The Adoption of our first Son, our first Child, our first Love....

January 29, 1997 we met our first son. He was 14 mos old, I was 23, and Jim 27 .... 

HOW that moment when I felt the weight of my first child in my arms, when I felt my heart lurch into my throat from sheer happiness, when my entire list of priorities instantly rearrange themselves the instant I saw his eyes....

HOW those moments are 14 years old...I just can't get my head around it.

I am feeling sentimental about that as he is growing into well..dang...a MAN ... and so fast!

So, even though I still owe Zane & Avenita a birthday post, I wanted to take time to celebrate our FIRST adoption and share pictures are entirely new to all of my readers :)

I feel like this post is "FOR" somebody. Maybe someone thinking about adoption?  I dunno but I had a strong desire tonight to share a bit of our Russian journey with you....

The ENTIRE process only took 9 months (rather fitting I say!).

That is not the case with Russian adoptions now .... but ... Russia IS open to international adoptions!! The process has had some additional (small) hurdles added to it but .... no one will ever tell you it wasn't worth it.

 Chase's orphanage........I was a nervous wreck...Knowing Chase was almost within reach..literally! 

We had been on airplanes for 18+ hours....We were tired, wired, and thrilled. 

 That we managed to get to this small, rundown, brick building in the middle of Rostov, Russia ....

(after a night in Moscow, Russia...where some of our luggage was lost and we had to walk the underground train system to shop at kiosks for toothbrushes...truth! Rostov was a 2 hour plane ride south of Moscow.)


It was surreal. God had done it. We were here. We were about to be parents :) 

 We waited in a small room with our interpreter, Alexi, for about 15 minutes. I seriously was either going to vomit or run...I couldn't decide...I was SO nervouse...But...Then...

A sweet "babushka" that worked at the orphanage walked into the room with this angel child and....

WE MEET OUR SON!
 Jim and I's world stopped for a moment. 

He.Was.Real.

I did NOT want to let him go.  ALL I wanted was to breathe him in longer, study his fingers more, feel his heart-beating as I held him tight...

But..we were only there for a visit..a per the "rules". 


Oh it was SO hard to leave him...I knew we wouldn't see him again for 10 days. This was would be after the Russian court hearing and when he would be legally 'ours'. 


I think it is one of the cruelest parts of adoption. So many countries and domestic adoption processes allow you to see your child...but then you must leave and return at a later time.


That this happens demeans the power of love within an adoption.  To make parents LEAVE their child after seeing him/her is mean.


After I gave birth, no one said, "oh good Mrs. Cockrum, you have had your baby now we will give him back to you in a few days, or weeks, or maybe even months."

This was Chase's crib. And there is NO DOUBT in my mind that God KNEW this was Chase's, His child's, crib. 

I know that Chase felt His presence...along with every other orphan...while laying in the crib sorta lingering between Hope and No Hope.

 THAT BAG IN MY HANDS? MY FIRST EVER MATROYSHKA DOLLS! Yep! truth!

Also pictured is our interpreter, Alexi (in middle) and another adopting Father on far right. We are still in contact with this couple that ended up being in Rostov, adopting, at the same time as us :) They live in New Jersey...

 I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS COLD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. EVER! Even the locals were saying it was a cold winter! Oh vey...My jeans were FROZEN in this picture. 

Alexi would give us a bit of a tour each day as we had nothing else to do since we could not visit Chase until after final court hearing.

Alexi is impervious to cold. IMPERVIOUS I tell you.

I'm ALL about culture, etc but once you have seen a steel statue commemorating a great victory you've seen them all...especially when you are super positive your lungs are freezing from the inside out.

BUT NOT according to Alexi. He wanted us to see it ALL. (Did you know there are a lot of steel memorial statues in Rostov, Russia??! well. there are!)

AMAZING Russian Orthodox churches. This is when my interest in religion iconic art was planted into my art brain...it just did not come out for awhile ;)

Trying to communicate with our cook...She's the one who, later in post, will knock on our door -late at night- and demand we follow her. WITH CASH (alot) on us. 

But she was so mightily precious! We had to clean our plates at dinner or she was offended...more than once I hid food in my shirt/napkin, went to bathroom, and flushed it! 

A girl can only eat so much 'mystery meat'....

 This is the apartment we lived in  while we were in Rostov, waiting for the court hearing (10 days). It is actually Jenna's (above) apartment.

The external view of this apartment is EXACTLY what you would picture as the perverbial "Russian Apartment Complex".

About 25 stories high, mabye 8-10 buildings in a group, all gray, no foliage, no elevator, decrepit stairs. FUN! ;)

Jenna -at this point in time- made her living off of hosting adoptive couples. 

She went to live with her sister a few miles away (and of course she walked those miles back and forth each day...oh vey!) and would come back to help us with breakfast and then dinner. 

 IT IS OFFICIAL!!! THIS ANGEL IS OURS FOREVER! 

We had just left from the court hearing...and we wanted our baby !!!! 

We'd been in Rostov, Russia for 10 days and had seen Chase for all of 15 minutes. We were blocks away but not allowed to visit due to fear of sickness as per orphanage director.

It was like being hit in the head with a metal pan! We were SO CLOSE to our son .... but could not got back and see him.

However, when the court hearing was done, we got to bring him back to the apartment and have him ALL to OURSELVES ... FINALLY! 

(In regards to getting Chase immediately after the court hearing, our interpreter said, "Oh no! You do not have to get baby now. You can have good night's sleep and we get him tomorrow."  Thanks for being worried about our sleep patterns Alexi but, we said, we want to go get Chase asap!)  

It was SUCH a relief to have him, legally, in our arms and to know that the "process" was over and that we could start enjoying this new season in our lives called "parenting"!

The first thing we did was strip the boy down! I was dying to see his piggies!!!

 CUTE PIGGIES!!! swoon....

 All the stress of the day gave our angel a bit of a fever.

Given that we were clueless...I think we came close to a medical emergency given how much Tylenol we gave him....but..well...he slept great!?

FREEZING OUR CUTUCKUS' OFF at RED SQUARE...

After that last night in Rostov...finally having Chase..

We were back in Moscow for a night then headed home...

The extend of poverty in Rostov & Moscow was difficult. This was my first international experience. I was shocked and saddened that so many suffered. It opened my eyes up to the bigger world and, once the eyes are opened about such a thing, they are not easily closed.

We'd been in Russia for 17 days. We'd experienced moments that changed who we were. We became parents in Russia. We became more aware in Russia. We saw such sadness yet experienced the making of friendships that last to this day.

 I was (am) HEAD OVER HEELS in love with this angel. 

He had my heart. God had given it to Chase to hold for awhile...It was a breath-takingly "easy" bonding process. 

I had no idea, at the time, that this is not always the case...and is usually NOT the case in most adoptions. 

Now...after having gone through 4 adoption processes....and getting 3 of them home...

I understand how bonding can be so easy, so difficult, so confusing, and so straightforward. 

If you are an adoptive parent struggling with bonding, you are not alone. It is MORE common to struggle than to not.

For the adoption where love did not come immediately....I found time and research to help tremendously.

Jim & I were a bit slap happy at this point....Can you tell ;) We'd achieved our goal...Chase...now we were very ready to get home. We were close but still had a night or two in Moscow.

In the lobby of our hotel, there was a section reserved for the prostitutes to um...hhmmm...tempt? 

Jim and I just felt sadness for the women ..... I wish we could have done more for them because, for all we knew at the time, one of them was Chase's birthmom.

Chase didn't seem to care whether he was in Rostov or Moscow...but he was REALLY beginning to like the constant food source we were to him. 

He also LOVED his pacifier. I was SO thankful the orphanage let him keep it as he was, technically, not supposed to leave with anything...but I woulda fought over that pacifier! Even the few moments I'd seen him at the beginning, I could tell the yellow pacifier was a MUST!

AND.....Why use ONE pacifier when you can use two? 

The yellow ribbon around his neck (um, yes, dangerous !?!! But I am glad he always was able to reach it when he needed some comfort in his bed in the orphanage...) he had the most fascinating self-soothing 'ritual' with it.

By the time he was done, the ribbon was all tucked up into the pacifier, then under his chin. It was sadly adorable. 

(and, YES, I still have this pacifier..but not the yellow ribbon. ;)

Getting ready to hit the airport!

Chase did not smile much the first several days...pretty stoic and confused. But, we held him tight, wore him in the backpack to make him feel secure, slept with or close to him, etc. 

He started loosening up about 2 days after we got home...

And..well...it is quite a comparison to see this serious child compared to our "Sunshine Boy" :) 

 WE ARE HOME...and YES...WE ACTUALLY DID ADOPT AN ANGEL LIKE WE SAID WE WERE GOING TOO!

 I promise people did not believe we'd come home with a baby until we actually came home with a baby :)  

Chase wasn't really a baby...he was 14 months old but was at more of a 9 month old level physically due to lack of attention in regards to learning to walk, etc.

He took his first steps about a week after we got home. I felt like we'd missed so much of his "firsts" and felt so happy to be able to be a part of that moment with him. 

 (Chase still has that huge brown bear....Aunt Ruth ... thank you! Who knew it would become such a symbol of all of "this" for him? )

 You can see how he was a smidge unhealthy by looking at his skin.

He didn't have a strong diet at the orphanage .... he had rashes and eczema.

 MAMMAW FLO (Jim's grandma but she loved me like her own....) ADORED Chase right from the beginning. 

We had an AMAZING amount of support...

Even at the airport there were probably 40 people waiting to welcome us home and to meet Chase.

It was a powerful time for Jim & I. We felt God's hand all over us and the entire adoption journey.  We were SO happy that we did what God had laid upon our hearts (little did we know what God had in store for the next 10 years! Love it!) but...DANG...WE WERE TIRED and REALLY ready to go home ;)

 I ADORE the way Jim's two Aunts and Grandma are just gob-stopped over him in this picture. Their smiles are SO beautiful.

 MY MAMAW (though she's always loved Jim as her own too...) was sort of in 'awe' of this angel. 

I can see it in her eyes....

 Chase had NO idea what eye glasses were (??), and he would put his hand in your mouth when you spoke.

We decided it was because English sounded so very different...so he stuck his hand in where that weird noise was coming from (over and over and over) until he grew used to it :) It was weird to try to have a conversation with someone while Chase's hand was going in and out of your mouth ;)

He did that for about a month...maybe less. He said his first English word "DUCK" 2 weeks after coming home.

 Aunt Amy got a smile!!   (This was the day after the airport...He was REALLY warming up to everyone....It was an amazing day of love, support, and telling all about the last 17 days of our lives!! A grand adventure....)

 We'd been home for a few days now and smiles were SUPER easy to come by :) This was Chase's first visit to his Mamaw's house :)

 Now all these antics are starting to look a lot more like the Chase that IS "Chase".

Funny.

Goofy.

Carefree.

Hungry.

Hungry.

Loving.

Hungry. 

(giggle)

Yep...He is WALKING!!! Now that didn't take long...

Now....

I promised you a harrowing story in the title of this blog post...

HOWEVER...I think these pictures were plenty for now....I can't take anymore fond "walking down Red Square Lane" moments....My tissues ran out.

So....the truly odd and somewhat scary story of our nocturnal trek through a Russian city will be added to the pictures shortly !

Phew!

Andrea

(YES! I know I look young, weird, different in this pictures! I had not 'come in my own' in regards to my love of art, my passion for creativity, nor my passion for wearing clothes that were not 2 sizes to big for me ;)