"Why does all this even matter, Mom? It "all" seems useless."

He comes into our bedroom crying.


He had just been the "star" of a parent-kid "meeting" about some behaviors that he needs to work on, improve, stop, etc.  


The "meeting" was over....but apparently not for him. 

For this precious, perfectionist child had some deeper questions. Questions stemming from "why" being "nice, kind, compassionate, self-controlled, joyful, etc" are so very important in every day life.


So....he came back into our room, a few minutes after the 'official' meeting had ended, crying and confused as noted above.


He starts rambling....


"Sometimes it just feels like every day is not for anything really." said the crying pre-teen.


"It all seems useless. I mean...Why even try to be better at things when we will just, eventually, all be in Heaven anyways."  continued the confused kid.


"Why should I try to control my anger, or be kind to my brothers,  It seems silly." he continued rambling.


Jim and I understand these questions...we have had them too. These thoughts and questions are parts of maturing and the answers are not always clear. We told all of this to the still-crying kiddo.


So, here .... at this stage in the conversation .... Jim and I have a strong foundation to pull from in regards to our answers, even if "it is confusing" is one of the answers.


Our foundation is the moral code we live our lives by. The overall goals we feel each person should be striving to achieve...regardless of age really...(well...I guess a baby is off the hook..but...;)


All of "this" (daily life) is absolutely NOT useless, we are telling our child. 

There is a meaning and a purpose to every second that ticks by.  The meaning of, what may seem a mundane life, is to reflect love, kindness, empathy, self-control, and peace to other people....making those other people wonder "what" is different about you.

To be 'other-oriented'. 


THAT is what a "day" is for. To show Christ in your actions and words so as to plant a thought about this "light' that others will notice and want to know about.


Each day is to refine yourself into the person that can achieve the amazing and useful things God has planned for you and your path....even though falling on your face and taking wrong turns oftentimes happens.  

But the path is, always, again laid before you to keep on walking...to keep on being useful for a greater good....


Our son received all of these words well. He felt comforted by them and had a better "view" of what a "day" is for....as they all add up, eventually, to something profound.


After our precious creation left the room (and this was only after reminding him that we are his biggest fans in the world, that questions are okay, confusion is okay, and that we will never, ever, no matter what stop loving him even if he feels the need to question all of "this" continually....)  I had a sudden rush of "Oh thank God for God" thought.


If we did not lives our lives according to an established moral code, well .... days would be rather useless, wouldn't they?


One would get self-centered really durn quick. If there was not a need to be...say.. "kind" to make others notice your kindness, or to show joy in the midst of pain, or to demonstrate self-control within your actions....


Well, dang, one could do what one wanted since you would feel no internal guidance system. 

There would be no parameters. No rights or wrongs (though the legal system may think there are wrongs...a person living without a moral code to lean on would disagree, wouldn't they?)


Now THAT mindset would make all of "this" [daily life] completely useless. 


It would create an unquenchable need for more self-gratification. 

It would create excess. 

One would live in exclusion versus helping others.


There really would be NO POINT to "that" type of life. 


All of the above is why, in my thoughts,  it is necessary to be able to identity your moral code, let it guide your decision-making, your attitude, and your goals. The moral code must address all life's major issues, it must be non-changing, and it must work at the "micro" and the "macro" levels of daily life.


Without it...there'd really never be a reason to get out of bed or help a sick neighbor or create relationships that would make each person involved a better person.


A moral code.


A firm moral code.


One that is leaned upon in times of confusion (though it may not have all of your answers but it will certainly help guide you...even through some "fog").


A code that is lived out everyday....to the benefit of OTHERS.


I don't know how a parent, who is raising a child without a distinct moral code, would have answered my crying and curious son's questions.


We all need to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. 

To look past our wants into the needs of others. We need to have parameters around us that help others see a reflection of true love in our actions that makes them ponder....and even want...what they see.

So, THAT, my precious, adored child is "why all this even matters".

It matters because others matter more than you and it is your job to let them know it.

To serve others. To love others. To help others. To think of others first....therein lies the purpose for a "day".

Our kiddo is going to "chew" on our conversation tonight...I expect he will have some more thoughts to discuss tomorrow...or the day after....or 3 weeks from now...or 5 years from now. 


Thankfully, the biblical moral code we lean on will still be saying the same things regardless of when his questions arise again.  It is non-changing. It answers at the "micro" and "macro" levels.


Jim & I won't have to dash off to "Google" an answer. We won't have to research his question for weeks before responding. We won't have to  take a survey of what is "popular" at the time to answer his future questions about why "all this" matters. 


We have the answers....as parents, we just have to make sure our kids feel comfortable asking the questions. 


Parenting is like a little surprise, mental party most every day as it seems a new "deep" question arises out of "nowhere" a lot and surprises you.


I like this.  I like curious brains.

I am not scared that my child will find truth anywhere else except via a biblical moral code. He may 'try' to use another one...but it will change, sway, swoon, and let him down. 

There are absolute truths within our society...and they all point back to relying on and using a biblical moral code for one's daily actions.

Phew. 

Parenting is like sitting in the dunk tank waiting for that next perfect pitch that hits the target, throwing you into ice cold water .... You have to always be ready for the next perfect "throw" because you truly never know when your kid will send you falling into a that cold tank...needing answers asap :)


Sitting in the Dunk Tank....waiting.....
Andrea