What EXACTLY are the 'red flags' for future criminals?

The above pictures are of my paternal Grandmomma (you can call her "Mammaw... I do ;)  We hadn't seen her for awhile.


It was a massive shot in the arm to reconnect with her and for her to spend time with my sister and I's families. 


Obviously, from the series of 4 pictures...SOMEONE (one of the Uncles I do believe) was doing something extremely hysterical...

.... I do believe the camera-woman's (uh-hem..me) life was in danger but I was to focused (ha..pun intended) on catching smiles....

These are now TREASURED moments in time that we will always have to smile about :)  


Okay....


So.


Here's the deal.


Jim and I were de-hoarding our precious almost 5 year old daughter's bedroom.


Yes.   She is a hoarder.


I have accepted that.


She keeps EVERYTHING...No Joke...EVERYTHING. Of course, we draw the lines at pieces of trash and used coffee cups but if we let her, she'd figure out a spot for them in her room.


After two trash bags of "toys" (read: junk) .... we were almost done but then....well...we stumbled upon something that kinda took our breathe away.


I discovered "it" and, at first, was scared to show Jim as I sorta wanted to just throw it in the trash bag and forget I ever saw "it".


Cuzz...seriously...stuff like "this".....well...it is SURELY an indicator of future, adult behaviors right?


I'm shivering now that I'm about to tell you what "it" is. 


She seems so...so...'normal'.  Friendly.  Happy.  WHO KNEW???


[big breath]


I ... discovered.....


a ... box...of... allthebarbiehairshehascutoffoverlasttwomonths!!!!!!!!!!


Okay. There. I said it.

Seriously...isn't this like a serial-criminal keeping 'tokens' of their crimes???     ISN'T IT????

Oh my word.

I just...I just...well...We knew she'd cut some of her "Barbies' hair" but...shudder...

I DID NOT KNOW SHE KEPT THE CLIPPINGS!!!!!!!!!!!  


Does this MEAN something about my princessa?

(bbwwwhahahahahahaha)


Daddy says it is a sign that she thought she'd get big-time busted for cutting the hair and hid it like any normal, smart, sneaky,  little girl would do (?) !!  


[BTW, at the time - she did not get busted for cutting her dolls' hair. I considered it 'creative'. IF I had known she was keeping the hair bits as TOKENS of her misdeeds...I mighta acted differently!!!]


But, alas, I do not think she has come into this criminal-in-the-making habit independently. I am a smidge afraid that she's learned it from those around here...


Cuz...I mean...LOOK:

THESE are some of the male examples she's surrounded by!  YES...They are shaking their "tail feathers" along with one of Aven's BABY DOLLS!  


And then...well...There is .... [cough cough] my habits:

 

She has DEFINITELY learned her hoarding talents from .... sigh .... me. 

I admit...I admit...I hoard SHOES!  

I love them. 

They are artwork. 

Don't cha think??!!! 

[Note my growing collection ...er hoarding...of cowgirl boots that I've now got displayed on the top of my herd of shoes. sigh. shoes. swoon. happy.]

So, I suppose Aven keeping tokens of her deviant behavior cannot be blamed "her" alone. 

BTW, after Jim and I stopped sweating from the shock and laughter of this crazy/creepy discovery, we asked Aven WHY she was keeping the hair clippings.

HER answer, "Well, they are so colorful. Sometimes I like to look at them."  

JIM says decoded that still means, "I thought I'd get in trouble so I hid them."  I'm going to think my husband is a parenting GENIUS and go with HIS theory. Don't you think that's a good idea?  

Me Too.

Oh, and the "tattoos" on the "Barbie" dolls of sorts (pictured above)...that's old news. 

She "tattoos" EVERYTHING...like her WALLS. (She does get in trouble for that. I am not a complete pushover. I wonder if she has a stash of MARKERS somewhere????  ;)

And here I thought we were just cleaning her room...Instead, we stumbled upon covert material!

Now, I wonder.... Do I DARE de-hoard the BOYS' rooms?  (though their rooms are no where NEAR the state of Aven's!!)

Just thought about it....

Nope. I do not dare.

Do you dare my friend? Nope...Jeanna don't dare either!!! smile  

I luv "my Jeanna" and seeing her over the holidays was a huge highlight.  You may remember that she was one of the girls in the horrible Chicago incident along with myself and 3 other close friends, and she is Momma to "Averie".... a member "Guat Girl Gang".  

She, too, deals with life-changing affects from that horrid event....but she's a SO strong. My heart SWELLS and LEAPS every time I see her because I truly saw, with my own eyes, what 'could' have happened (and what we all thought had happened) to her on that day.  Luv you Jeanna... )

Now hush!   I heard you roll your collective eyes...BUT...Meet ONE of our new, living Christmas presents!!!! 

This is MY new pup...Yes...Yes...I fell in love with one of "Dorothy's" litter....the other two have gone to their new homes but "Bishop Ivan" was gifted to me by my hubby on Christmas Eve. 

The kids had fallen in love with the pup too and were shocked to silence when Jim gave him to me. If you are keeping count ..... "Bishop" makes 4 dogs...but 3 of them are itty-bitty so 3 of them only count as 1.5 in my opinion :)

Welp....

Do you think my "weird, odd, quirky discovery" means something about our little, spunky girl??! 

Or is this "normal"??? 

Do I laugh or cry?!!!!!

Much Love My Friends....and PRAYER! ha

Andrea

My WORDS are STUCK. Danggit.

I don't know what it is folks.

I have thoughts, moments, funnies, etc to share but my mind is stuck on the words (not in a post traumatic stress kinda way...)....just in in a "super glue stuck...can't get through my head and onto 'paper' stuck")

I could do another video...easy-peasy. But I LOVE writing. It helps me. 

But I feel mentally stuck or in a rut .... See ... :)

Maybe I am still recovering from the holidays?! ha (though I am slightly serious when I say that.)

 

(bbbwwwhahahaha.....um. not me :)

I feel such enormous pressure sometimes.  DO YOU???

I cannot pinpoint where it comes from (uh-oh...I think my words are unsticking...watch out...)

Pressure that I probably bring upon myself. Anybody else do this? Unreasonable pressure. 

Unnecessary pressure. But...I can't shake it sometimes.

Some pressure I bring upon myself is my frustration with "C"hurch.  OR maybe my frustration is spot-on? Who knows?!

[note when using the capital 'C' in 'church' it denotes the use of the idea 'church' as a general WHOLE, mostly U.S,A.-based denominations for me.  It does not mean "my" church or a church. When I do not capitalize the word, it does mean a certain church. 

This is not something I just 'made up'. This is a commonly used practice within the area of Christian apologetics - which is the study of why Christianity is true both scientifically & historically.]

(Wanna a few great starting places for apologetics? here are three suggestions. "How Now Shall We Live" changed my life. I am reading "The Faith" now. Lee Strobel's book is foundational for a true Christian apologetic education. BTW, Strobel has whole series for kids too. Proven helpful for my kids.)

I feel "snarky" (a weird mixture of sarcasm yet maybe some truth) ALOT in regards to "C"hurch....NOT Jesus, not my leaders (please no need to email my pastor and tell him I said this...He knows :), not my own personal walk with God ....

But -for example-

Driving home from church this morning....

I saw one of those (to me) scary "Welcome" signs in front of a church.

You know, the ones that churches who own these signs all seem to use the same 22 horrible phrases over and over again? Yes. That kind of sign. 

Usually, these signs read something like:

The above signs were simply bad grammar or attempts at humor?!

However, the sign we saw this morning read:

"Oh Come All Ye Faithful....AND You." 

Seriously. No Joke. Those words were on the sign. 

I am not going to be a jerk, but I am going to cordially call this church's office tomorrow and simply let them know how that sign impacted ME. 

I cannot speak for others but I can tell them how I felt when I saw it. And I believe in Christ!!! 

What does someone who doesn't consider themselves "faithful" feel when they see such a phrase?? 

Do they feel welcomed or demeaned? 

What do you think?

I feel pressure to 'stand up for unbelievers who are seeking Christ' I guess. It makes me frustrated to see things occur that might, possibly, push them away. 

Things that the "C"hurch has 'done' to strip the 'easy' away from salvation, what It has done to the basic tenants of an easy belief system via public conflicts and fights amongst different denominations, etc. It frustrates me to no end.

I feel  a RIGHTEOUS anger towards all of this. Not a "MEAN" anger. 

New topic....

I also feel pressure to 'blog' lately.  

I don't know where this pressure is coming from. 

I LOVE blogging. But, well... I guess it's just the holidays, ptsd, having my mind sorta feel more confused about some things versus clear...and concerned that the confusion will not come across as I intend for it too...

But feeling "stuck & censored" is SO NOT ME.  At least it is not the "Andrea" that is here and now .....

Alot of you commend me on being transparent, revealing, etc about our adoptions & raising adopted kiddos along with biological kiddos, my mental illness struggles .....PTSD,  related life events, my "C"hurch confusion.....you do this through your comments on my blog, private emails, etc.  Even hand-written letters!

But there are a set of people who definitely do NOT like my transparency . And they let me know it. 

Happily, there is no one holding a gun to their head forcing them to read my blog...as I have gently reminded a few of them...

But maybe their comments have permeated me more than I realized. 

I don't plan on changing...but...I guess I am building up my confidence again in regards to the goal of this blog which is debunking stereotypes I am thrown into by our lifestyle choices...

[homeschooling, entrepreneurship, having a large family and no plans on saying "no" if God wants us to have more...alot of these choices put my family into the "isolationist / legalistically religious / we have uneducated*unsocialized kids / or "we are better parents cuz we have more kids" corner and all of these are BEYOND NOT ACCURATE...]

And, sometimes I wonder if all the fun pictures of my kids mislead you all. (note the lack of fun kid pix in this post ... smile...er not smile...teehee)

But, then I remind myself that I WRITE openly and honestly about the struggle to raise special needs kids, to adopt, to have bio-kids with questions, to homeschool with excellence (super hard BTW), all the ups and downs of my PTSD. 

Heck, there's a video on here of me here DURING an anxiety attack and I am certainly NOT looking my best nor dripping 'happy'....that's for sure.

(here's the video of me mid-anxiety attack..oh so pleasant..hmmm)

I believe alot of this has to do with some holiday sadness that I may still be trying to figure out emotionally...

....and also I have a good friend (cyber-friend but we all know that a cyber-friend IS a true friend) who was diagnosed with 2c Stage Ovarian cancer plus bladder cancer from, literally, out of the blue last week. 

Her kids are close to the age I was was when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer. Not only is my heart mad at Evil for cancer entering my friend's life...but my heart truly hurts for the kids because "I was them" 18 years ago.

"Sheesh Andrea..18 yrs. Get over it!"

Well.... If you have lived a cancer diagnosis in a friend, parent, loved one, or even yourself...you'd never say that to someone.

I have a peace about the absence of my Dad now...that happened this past summer...finally.

But, the bad memories of the 2 year journey are not simply erased because I have a peace about my Dad not being "here".

When my friend was diagnosed,  I truly relived every horrid 'cancer journey' moment with my Dad.

The "Oh it wasn't a mid-life crisis [chemical imbalance in brain], turns out it's lung cancer." [after a year long treatment for depression]..... and then...after some treatments... "Oh the cancer is gone'. 

Then, few months later, "oh the cancer is back'. 

Then coming home from college for a weekend to see my Dad sitting at the kitchen table with a shaved head and the chemo-'tatoos' all over his head...without warning. 

Again..."the cancer is under control". And finally, "Well, it is now everywhere. Let's focus on quality versus quantity of life".

I am definitely not projecting that into my friend's path for her cancer was caught fairly early, whereas my Dad's was not.

But...I just KNOW the feelings the family is experiencing and it makes me tied up, knotted, sad, angry. Stuck.

Hm. Well...

My words were unstuck there for a moment....but I feel back to "stuck".

I am finding MUCH happiness in my sweet kiddos/husband (as the last post demonstrated!! very vividly!)...

....and have been sketching/drawing more the last several weeks...surely that is a good sign to finally "unsticking" my words for good and allowing my thoughts to flow more concisely here again very soon....like tomorrow!!! ;0)

See..there I go with the pressure again. 

If I believed in re-incarnation, I am sure I would come back as a 'pressure-cooker' cuz I'm so dang good at putting myself into one... 

What would you be re-incarnated as?  

And if anyone says a 'sweet smelling rose' I'm going to cyber-slap ya...smile  

I KNOW this is not a "Christan-ese" question but it is JUST a question. Nobody pass out or call for an exorcist.

It does not mean you suddenly think Shirley McLaine is onto something or anything.... 

Luvs, Hugs, Blessings....and 2012 I am still planning on kicking your butt! Got plenty of days left for that sucka....

Andrea

P.S. PLEASE continue to think of me, pray for me in regards to attending the "Created for Care" Adoption Momma Conference Jan 25-29th in Atlanta, Georgia.  

It's a roll of dice if I will make even one session (dang ptsd sleep) but I just FEEL that I am supposed to go. I will have a good friend there will me so I won't be fighting alone :)

http://www.createdforcare.org

In review:  Questions I asked you and would love you input on: (I write long post even when my words are stuck! You deserve a review of the questions for sure :)

1. Do you put unnecessary pressure upon yourself? If yes, do you know why? If no, pray tell how you do not.

2. Do you think the church sign saying "Oh Come All Ye Faithful...and You" is demeaning or would you look right past it and not think of it again? Discounting it as just a bad choice.


3. Am I to transparent here? Or does transparency simply scare people and I should continue as always. (that's my theory...could be very wrong though.)


4. FOR discussion and conversation...What would you be reincarnated as?  Remember...do not say a 'sweet smelling rose'!!  Maybe a tornado? A statue? A tiger? A matroyshka doll?  :))

My Motley Crew Hijack My Blog Video. I have lost all control :)

OH.

MY.

Wasn't supposed to go like that.

I wasn't supposed to be pre-occupied with my hair (that I'd just taken out of a pony tail thus my issues with it)

My people were not supposed to go tribal on me.

(and I said all our kids had made an appearance but that was a flat out lie made in a moment of confusion -that would stand up in court, right?-. We have TWO more little/big humans that did not appear....imagine that. Maybe one day I'll get us all 'impromptu'... though this video was not supposed to be full of the Collection besieging me :)

But...

Well...these people of mine got a hold on me :) All of 'em.

They are cute, and adorable, handsome, and funny, and they all make my heart sing and feel lighter.

This is "US" when we get going...So I ran with it and let the 'deeper' thoughts I had planned put on the perverbial 'back-burner' for now :)

[And, I have to say, that...as I am typing this...Tye now has bright blue & yellow headphones on, listening to the soundtrack from the movie 'RIO" and he seems to have entered a meditative state.

Do I interrupt?

Naw...He's probably trying to find his new self after I shaved his head. ;) ]

I have two (cyber-but-it-does-not-matter) friends who themselves or their child are having MAJOR surgeries either as we speak or tomorrow...

One is my friend's baby, Charlotte, who was born with Down's Syndrome and who will be having open-heart surgery tomorrow. I mentioned Charlotte here before and would covet your prayers for her and her family. 

God knows the details of the other friend's needs and I have absolutely NO DOUBT that the surgeon's hands are being guided as we speak and that a mighty war is being played out inside the surgery room...a war we cannot see but that we can impact via prayer. I invite you to do so with me.

As much as our family can release and de-stress and giggle and enjoy the moment...

We also can come together and and pray for those we love...which we will do.

Well...

Christmas was, as I said, ALOT.

A.L.O.T.

I loved it while I was counting the hours for it to be "over". That is just my "normal" b/c the added pressure of a 'big event' makes me prone to PTSD symptoms.

(which did kick in, sorta dramatically, but given my openness about it all EVERYONE involved understood. So neat...though it was a disappointment to me, the recovering perfectionist...maybe if I could conquer THAT my PTSD would wane? I dunno. I don't think there's a secret path or formula God's waiting for me to figure out before PTSD is removed from my life...but I sure am learning alot along the path to it's disappearance.)

Soooooo......

As I said in the video...if you could even understand a WORD that was said (smile)...

Fun pics and more thoughts are coming...

but tonight...

We needed to "release" a bit, apparently!,  and remember that we are family and that we find joy in each other in ways that I find hard to duplicate with any other set of people...

God mashed us all together from all over the world for a reason..what that I understand a tidbit of but have a feeling that I truly only 'get' the tip of the iceburg as of yet...

And to find JOY and FUNNY in this mish-mash of amazing people..regardless of age...is a beautiful thing to me...even if it does occur during a video that was not supposed to but ended up including flying barbie dolls, my 9 yr old asking for donations, my 4 year old hijacking my video, my husband comparing me to a plastic doll,  and random dog appearances...

Happy 2012 my friends....

Let's CONQUER it.

Let's KICK it.

Let's take 2012 by surprise and showcase what "WE"...as a community of people drawn together via this little blog or by bigger circumstances...can do.

Watch out 2012...

As long as I survive January (smile...) I've got your number and it's my turn at bat.

Who else wants a turn???  Who's going to throw some homeruns in 20212 with me? Tell me about it! 

Throw yourself in the game! It's more fun together....

ANDREA

Merry Christmas .... for unto us a sacred child was born today (well around this time..or more like a few months from now but that's just in the fine details at bottom of his birth cert) and society (along with my help) has given us a ...bucket full of chaos. (Gotta do my part for mankind and all)

 (Our Christmas Card :) If you click on it you can see the 'funny' up close ;)

( Again...clicking allows for more laughter)

Does anyone else sorta 'get' why those in the Jehovah Witness belief system do not celebrate 'events'? I am kinda REALLY gettin' to understand where they are coming from ;)

In all honesty...and seriousness...and love...

I do wish you and yours a beautiful weekend...no matter how it is spent.

If you are with family...may amazing memories be made...

If you are 'alone' this Christmas...please know you really are not because Christ is there to comfort you.

If you are sick or weakened this season..may some of this over-the-top celebration of Christ's birth bring you some fresh hope and energy.

I am pushing through this weekend (regardless of what my PTSD says...but.....if it lands me on my butt everyone around me understands which is a major relief)...

and WILL make some lasting memories with my precious brood of 5 and the man of my dreams (and also my fabulous in-laws and sister, brother-in-law, and my nephews..and of course...our 'Aunt' Laura...)

BUT...So help me when I see a commercial on December 26th about "Final Markdowns" or a "Super Sale" or such...

I will be throwing a fruitcake at the TV.  (over it! even if I am one of the guilty ones encouraging these commercials via my retail habits :))

Merry Christmas...

You all are a gift to me EVERY day of the year..not just on a holiday weekend.

Blessings,

Andrea

Watch Andrea Vent ... It's mildly entertaining I suppose.

Sure...I got cute Christmas cards sent.

The tree is up. The house looks fairly festive.

Plans are finalized for Christmas.

Treasures (even LIVE treasures) are bought for the Motley Collection that lives under this roof.

(I may have scored the best Christmas gift EVER for my husband...yay!...and, hun, if you are reading this the gift is NOT any type of sporting game tickets. Sorry. But I promise no sporting event will compare. Wait. Wait. Wait a minute I just heard you all say "Oh my heck she's pregnant"...NO....that is NOT Jim's lovely gift...as all the guys think "shew" and all us girls think "durn" :)

But...through all of the planning for this sacred season...not to mention just being a decent Wife/Momma/Friend...

Peeps with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder realize that PTSD could care less what day it is on the calendar. 

PTSD sufferes also have days, even in the midst of a sacred time of celebration, that look like this: [this is where the  "TRUE MOMENTS of FAMILY" blog title starts living up to it's name ... ;]  

Sooooo...that's me - TODAY. 

Tomorrow? I plan to kick it's butt! However, again, it's hour to hour sometimes.

I am REALLY into NOT misleading people...cuz I used too. A lot. 

Misleading, not in the sense of lying to people, but more like "hiding" behind a really pretty life facade that I had fabricated to keep some of my deep hurts 'at bay'. 

However, videos like this, I think, help you all counter-balance the sweet, gooey, fuzzy pictures I post and babble on and on about ;) 

There is more to a person than what can be summed up in pictures; however, it is VERY easy to mislead others on blogs, Facebook, etc by only showing 'the pretty".

I ain't into that. 

I have continued blogging for almost 4 years now to: 1. Keep myself accountable about debunking my idea that I need to be perfect. 2. To encourage others to 'be real'...even if it's scary and you look like a zombie in videos you post on your blog :)

Being real..on video even.. w/o (much ;) makeup on, showing ya'll my tears and talking about the OTHER side of 'sweet, gooey, and fuzzy' is REALLY good for me. 

And, to add to this good...helps you feel like you are not alone if you are on a journey of sorts yourself.

I have learned, via this blog mostly, that being the REAL ANDREA is truly okay.  I can admit to failure, guilt, anger, frustration.  And, gasp, other people understand and do not think less of me. Who knew?!

I do not like looking perfect anymore! What a stinkin' RELIEF! 

I would certainly love to hear what types of journeys you all are on....

What are YOU fighting? 

Not even a 'sickness' per se ... but maybe you are battling to believe in your confidence, maybe you are forcing yourself out of your 'old comfy spot' into a new endeavor that is really hard for you ...... 

Maybe you, too, are battling the modern-take on education and going against the stream somehow?

Regardless, I would love to hear about it.

See that light orange sentence underneath the end of my post that says "PLEASE leave me a comment. I luv hearing from you!" ? Just click that and start typing (In the white box at top right) about YOUR journey, YOUR fight, the stereotype YOU are debunking..and you can even submit your thoughts anonymously simply by clicking the circle "anonymous" under the box after you have finished your comment/rant/wisdom/journey :)

Let's be in this together, okay?

Much Love...

Andrea

(yes...going back to sleep now...stupid brain)