Happy Birthday Tye....(finally)

I have, mentally, struggled with Tye's birthday 'letter' this year.


As we know, I am not afraid of honesty nor am I afraid of what my kids will think when they peruse my blog as adults. As long as they do not just read 'one' post but, rather, most of the blog...I believe my intense passion for each of of them becomes evident.


However...there are posts...even posts that should be bubbly & happy like a 'birthday post' but just cannot be if honesty is considered.


All this is leading up too...well...it is not easy having a special needs kiddo.  


Tye's extra-ordinary needs do  not 'turn off' on his birthday, or when life's busy, or when I am down with Post Traumatic Stress.


Tye's 9th birthday...honestly....it has scared me more than anything else. He is NINE. He has yet to conquer some sorta basic things like fluent reading, logic skills, speech/articulation issues, anger issues, manipulation issues.


I do not say this to promote sympathy...but to be honest. 

Are there other special needs Mommas out there who can hear my heart beat and find that it resonates?

 (Tye's huge birthday celebration in Chicago, along with friends and all the other little kid Cockrum birthdays a few weekends ago...awesome memories. Tye's favorite part was raiding the "Lego Store" for his presents :)

I could, easily, write of the successes Tye has accomplished this last year.  I could write for hours about his perseverance,  his empathy, his ability to push on even though he is confused sometimes.


However....I could also write just as long and just as much about the difficulties that continue to hold him back.


His brain is not healthy...whether it is his birthday or not. He cannot think in the same manner as others. He does not see his delays...for him they are his 'normal'...so why all the effort he seems to say alot.


Tye is perfectly fine saying words half way (no opening and/or closing sounds...as if he's speaking using vowels mostly). He does not see the problem in manipulating a group to get what HE wants (the front row seat, to be the volunteer in Sunday School by crying when he doesn't get called on, etc)


When?


This year?


Is THIS the year he makes some more exponential increases? 


We hope so.  We desperately hope so.


This coming year will be a year of surgeries for Tye....(mostly on his upper mouth/teeth)....will this exaggerate his special needs?  Will he be so mad at us for allowing this pain that he is even less interested in doing what we want?


I want Tye to be truly happy.

 (Some scenes from his 'family' bday party...the boy IS LOVED!)

 (Try finding a birthday 'cake' that a kiddo on no gluten, dairy, or egg can have...These are 'donuts' of a sort...that are VERY hard..and Jm was shoving the candles into for 'the birthday song'. Tye loves these 'donuts' though. sigh. and good.

I think, at times, he is.


I think he definitely feels our unconditional love for him. He is affectionate and loving when the mood hits him...but that is not always the case and to tell you it was would be wrong.


There are turbulent times with Tye. He is strong-willed and believes he is always right...He thinks he is the boss of our family...truly!


To convince him to succumb to parental authority, to teach him the dangers of his manipulation, to train him to go towards what he is interested in and not just what everyone else is doing...

Well.


It is quite a job.


I, nor Jim, would trade it for anything else in the world...but I've never said it's easy and I still cannot say that.


I do pray the next 365 days of this precious child's life provides him some relief in regards to his cognitive struggles...that he finds healing and wholeness within our family....that he makes amazing strides in his speech this year.


These are my hopes...my dreams....


However, if Tye acts just as he does now....even a year from now when he turns 10....he will never have a safer place to plateau, or to take it slow, or to go at his own speed (even though we want to push him from behind!) than he will have within our family.

Tye, no DNA shared with any of us...is family. Family is not defined by genetics...at least it should not be.


He is our son who...had a very happy birthday....but who still struggled that day to understand exactly what was going on, who cannot spell well, who gives Jim and I 'pause' everyday to check ourselves that we are doing our best by him.


My sweet Tye....

These delays do NOT define you. But I need you to fight love. I need you to hate your delays as much as your Daddy and I do so that we can get further faster. 


You are a gift from God Tye...You make those around you stop and think. You have made me an exceptionally better Christ-follower as I MUST trust is HIS plan for you for I cannot see one.

Let's really battle this out in the next year of your life my precious gift. Let's leave these delays "behind us with black eyes", ok? ok.


God has gotten you this far, my luv, I do not think He will stop your progress or forget about you...nope...I think it is the opposite.


I think God dotes on you and provides you with an extra measure of protection as He has a special place in His heart for you.....as do your Daddy and I.


We can do this Tye....We can battle this out....


And OH what a day it will be when your successes start coming fast and furious. When your improvements become suddenly evident. 

When you no longer have to repeat yourself several times for others to understand you...

When you can follow a movie plot...

When you can go into Sunday School and not manipulate and when you lose the 'need' to hoard your siblings' favorite toys b/c you want to be in control...


ALL of this you WILL be free from my precious, hand-chosen son that steals my heart with your lop-sided smile...


We WILL fight for you Tye.....you just stand behind us, in a sense, as we take on this world for you and protect you from wrong turns, bad habits, and surprise attacks.

We got your back son....with all of our hearts...we've got your back.

Happy Birthday my Sweet boy.....


All of our love,

Mom & Dad....

......and your brothers and sister cus they also have your back in a HUGE way sweet pea! You will always have them...as much as God gave you to us...He gave you to them too. We are a puzzle-piece family who all desperately need each other.....