Never seen a girl go through an anxiety attack? Now ya have.

So.  Yeah. Well.  Not a shining moment for me, huh? But a real one.

I figured if Katie Couric (a US News Reporter) can have a colonoscopy done on national television, I can share a bit of video made while I was fighting an anxiety attack!  

I talk about "anxiety attacks" a lot here. I figured 'showing' you one was a good next step.

After I stopped the video, I felt the anxiety attack slowly phase out after about another 15 minutes.

THAT is what an anxiety attack looks like, in my life...at least a bad one.

Oftentimes, the "attack" is less, I can breath through it, no one knows it's happening unless I tell them. 

But this one was a "big" one and required me to remove myself from "life" for awhile so I could work through it. (thus the dark room, bed, and such)

Oftentimes, the 'bad' ones have me crying, telling Jim what I want for him after I "die", numbness in my fingers (because I'm not breathing correctly), etc.

These "bad" ones are happening less and less...So I figured I'd record that one because maybe it will be my last (wink!).

You can think I'm a complete weirdo for posting this on my blog.  That's okay. I can't decide it this is weird or helpful either :)

However, I think there are many who under-estimate anxiety attacks and the sense of true "imminent death" that they bring. Thus the terror and complete irrationality that comes with them.

I also think there are many people who suffer through them alone...feeling like they must hide the attacks because "anxiety is brought on by something I did" or "people will think I'm not mentally stable".  

None of that is true. Anxiety is a result of something that occurred in life that caused a chemical imbalance in their brain (thus anxiety).

When a person has "anxiety" (from whatever...from PTSD, situational anxiety, etc) oftentimes they use things to "get them through"...IE alcohol [I used to do this now I do not ever. I did not know I was doing that to 'cope' until I saw the truth for myself.], food, exercise [helpful to a point of course but dangerous if one is using it to cover up a problem], pornography [especially for men, those images release serotonin and endorphins which calms one down],  anger [lashing out because one feels so horrible let's off "steam" and seems to help the brain calm down.].... heck.. all sorts of things.

That type of coping comes, in my experience, from a lack of education in regards to what 'anxiety' is, how it plays out in one's life, and from embarrassment that one has such "odd feelings" (read: anxiety attacks) and if I told others they'd think I was really off.

But..what really needs to happen is for the person to get to the bottom of the 'anxiety'.  Figure out what is causing it. Fix THAT problem...not simply cover up the anxiety with self-coping habits. AND TO TALK ABOUT IT....anxiety and all.

One may never know what 'triggers' an anxiety attack but one can treat the underlying cause (PTSD, stress, abuse, etc) thus making the number of anxiety attacks much less and, when they do occur, less intense sometimes.

After two years of PTSD therapy and dealing with anxiety, I am MUCH better at dealing with "the bad ones". Before all the therapy, medication, education, there is NO WAY I could have decided to "document" my attack to put it out there to help others feel "less crazy!" DURING the attack. NO.WAY.  

Now, as I said on the video, I KNOW what is happening....but I also know I cannot always talk my way out of the attack...the irrational thoughts come even though I KNOW they are wrong. It is a truly, completely, definitely, weird and scary experience.

"Anxiety Attacks" are real.  As real as the flu.  As real as a migraine.  As real as any other ongoing illness.

A person suffering from them oftentimes feels 'weak', though, because anxiety brings thoughts to your mind that you 'know' are not rational but you continue to think and even 'act' on them sometimes.

It's an "intimate" attack. 

Others do not see "red spots from chicken pox".  People do not see an anxiety-sufferer puking their guts up from the flu.

But, they are as real as red spots and puke! 

If you know someone who casually mentions that they have "anxiety attacks"....that casual reference may be a HUGE step for that person.  

They are testing the waters around them to see if their reference is ignored or accepted as real.

Please don't ignore someone who casually mentions that they have "anxiety".

It is not a self-imposed problem, anxiety is brought on by real, true chemical imbalance issues in the brain and need addressed as much as any other ongoing illness.

BTW, after an anxiety attack, usually the person is SO TIRED. All the mental fighting leaves the physical body drained. 

Also, you were probably wondering what those things on my ears were...the pink cords are just ear buds because, when a bad one hits, I try to distract myself with music or listening to an audio book.  

The white cords, and the big clips attached to my ears are a type of neuro-feedback therapy that I was just recently told about and my doctor prescribed for me.  It is a type of neuro-feedback therapy that I can use at home.

ALPHA-STIM®
SCS 

We have used "Neuro-Feedback Therapy" for myself, Tye, and Chase for a few years now. However, we went to a doctor's office for the therapy, etc., and it was not covered by insurance.

THIS device, though NOT as strong or as effective as neuro-feedback administered by a neuro-feedback doctor, is an option to obtain this 'brain re-mapping" therapy at less cost, at home, and the device can be used on anyone in your house!  

So, myself and Tye have been walking around with the big ol' ear clips hanging off our ears feeling electricity slowly jumping into our brains "healing" us slowly :) 

(Neurofeedback is more in-line with BIO-chemistry...using how the body already works to heal sicknesses versus pharmaceutical treatments.  I use both approaches but feel that bio-chemistry techniques (such as neuro-feedback and EMDR therapy) will be what REMOVES my PTSD eventually versus using a pharmaceutical-based medicine that helps but only covers up my symptoms...)

Welp.

I guess that's enough transparency for one girl in a day :)

I'm off to enjoy those angels disguised as my kids today...

Andrea