These moments all happened within the last 48 hours :)
I found a rubber monkey tangled up in the scarf I was wearing...about 2 hours after I put the scarf on;)
Then...the other night...I was bored. (read: danger zone.) SO...I decided to take the plunge and actually bleach my hair and color it "lusty lavendar" as per the box. My hubby was not convinced this was a good idea :) Happily, I did not ask him his opinion until I was far into the process ....
I was BORED! Bleaching my hair seemed perfectly appropriate. It was not my fault that I could not, it turned out, do it by myself and had to enlist his help over and over and over again.
And, him LISTING all the ways that I'm high-maintenance (no need to put that list out here....it's not accurate anyways ;) out while using nail polish remover to get purple dye off the back of my neck and his fingers did NOT help me see the error of my ways.
Neener-Neener Jimmy Boy...u stuck with me!
We were having to much fun in the bathroom and got "caught" I guess the laughing hysterically at Jim using an ink pen to tuck my hair up into the baggie that was tight around my head was louder than we thought.... :)
Sadly, Tye left the bathroom even more concerned about the state of his parents' mental health than he did before he entered I think.
For the record...it was about 2 a.m. when the above pic was taken...that's how we..er...I roll..while I drag Jim along behind me...as he mutters over and over.."I told you so..."..."I told you so"... bbwwhahaha
SO.....It's not "lusty lavendar" but more like "fiesty fuschia" but i love :) And my husband was relieved that I would not be needing to get the scissors out at 4a.m. (he loves it too btw)
Yesterday...the weather was dreary, Momma was tired, the kids were in "jammies-mode" so I went with it....
The day involved haircuts (in the bathtub of course cuz it contains the hair well!) I cut Chase, Zane, and Tye's hair. Trey takes days to decide if he wants me to touch his treasured 'mane'. Though he NEEDS a haircut, he hasn't agreed to let me near him just yet.
Of course, since I had some "lusty lavendar" left over from my hair...I talked Tye into "purple hair". It was not that hard .... He's my fashion muse....
Aven got sent to her room for coloring on her skin (with a Sharpie marker...if it'd been a 'normal' marker..that woulda been 'acceptable' in our house ;)
Apparently, she decided the 'time-out' would best be served sleeping versus CLEANING her room. oh vey. I'm raising a hoarder!!! :) But she's an adorable hoarder!!!
AND......Last but NOT least...our Love Birds are in the middle of a grand lovin' session apparently because... THEY KEEP LAYING MORE AND MORE EGGS!
There were FOUR yesterday..as per the pictures below
(the eggs started appearing about 10 days ago...)
TODAY THERE ARE FIVE! Really birds?? Really?
It seems like an awful lot if ya ask me. I mean...I KNOW what "five" is like and..well..just sayin' that ya'll don't have enough square footage in your cage nor wide enough wing spans... not to mention ya'll don't even have an INCOME...sheesh... to care for FIVE at once. Oh vey. {giggle}
I have a feeling this is NOT going to play out well for me. Or a baby bird or two...chirp chirp?
Enough with the crazy pictures :)
Let's talk parenting.
How the deep, real, heart-string tying moments can happen when you don't even know they are.
This just recently happened to me and...after I mentally strung the series of events together....I saw how Trey, my wise 40 yr old son stuck inside an 11 yr old's body...was letting me "into" his brain...HIS world...HIS thought-processing.
And, given that he is not a boy of many words (like his Father...NOT like his Mother :) I was very happy I didn't flup it all up.
It started with a kinda of an 'upsetting' conversation between Trey and I. I was having some "anxiety" symptoms....irritable, noises bothering me, short-tempered, etc.
The kids were all in my room (as you can see in above pix, they hang out in there with me alot!) and I had to ask them to give me some space so I could get this anxiety out of me.
As I was shuffling them out.... Trey said, in a very humble not sarcastic voice, "Sorry to be a bother Mom."
GASP.
"OH TREY! No! It is NOT you that is a BOTHER...It is anxiety and PTSD and a stupid semi-truck. YOU are NEVER and will NEVER be a 'bother' to me... I love you. No matter how my day goes, you make me feel better."
Trey said, "Are you sure Mom?"
ANOTHER GASP. DANGGIT!
"YES TREY! Please...I PROMISE it is NOT you -or any of the kids- it is PTSD."
"Okay Mom. Feel Better." Trey said in a small voice.
Oh sheesh...talk about wanting to go find that semi-driver and knock him in the head! I thought I'd been doing a better job of making sure the kids knew what I was dealing with...that they knew it all stemmed from the Chicago incident.
Kinda like we all get mad at 'Fetal Alcohol Syndrome' and NOT CHASE when he acts illogical, hyper, etc.
I thought I'd separated "MOM" from "PTSD" in their heads. Like we separate "TYE" from "very bad orphanage experience".
It's not Chase...or Tye...or Andrea's "Fault" ... they may act "different" or "annoying" or "whatever" but we get mad at the PROBLEM not the PERSON. sigh.
Had I made my Trey feel like he was a burden, a bother, just another 'thing' I had to deal with? cry.
The next day, Trey & I were having a non-emotional conversation. He had been invited to a very nice restaurant by our neighbors, their son and Trey are buds.
I was giving him "Mom Advice" that he didn't need but pretended to accept (like put your napkin on your lap, if you don't know what something is on the menu just order a hamburger, do not walk around the restaurant doing illusions (cuz he has before), you cannot wear your hat to this restaurant, yes you must brush your hair, yadda yadda yadda..."Mommy Babble"...)
He was walking down the hall...away from me...to head out the front door....
He stopped, turned around, and said, "I trust you Mom. Thanks."
And he was out the door.
My heart skipped a small beat because I treasured that compliment. Especially after him thinking he'd been or is a "bother" to me. (still makes my heart hurt to think that he ever once felt that way).
However, I did not know these events would lead to more. Though I did feel better about how he "felt" about "us".
Anyways...
The next night, late in the night....around 1a.m.....Trey walks into our room.
I'm still awake (of course) and Jim is working in his office (cuz that's his normal work time!)
Trey just walked in and started GUSHING words all over like he was spitting a sour candy out of his mouth...SO unlike my Trey.
[it's not unusual to see him pop upstairs late at night as he reads, etc but he doesn't engage in 'talk' ... just gets a drink, says he can't sleep, we tell him to go back to bed...etc..but THIS was different...I didn't even have a chance to tell him to "go back to bed" before he started the 'gushing;]
"I feel stressed Mom."
"I can't get my brain to stop."
"I feel weird."
"I can't sleep."
"I have so much to do tomorrow, I am worried about it."
[honestly, though, the child has NO clue about have 'alot' to do in one day given that he does not rise at o'dawn early to catch a bus, attend school for 8 hours, come home to homework, nights of Tae Kwon Do, not to mention family time...
So, honestly, I tried NOT to roll my eyes...but IN HIS WORLD...he DID have alot the next day...He knows nothing else than schooling from home and he had a big assignment, testing at Tae Kwon Do, and a big band rehearsal]
I listened to this, normally quiet child just GUSH.
I enjoyed it. I was happy to listen. I was surprised at all of his thoughts.
I knew he'd been feeling anxious about some things but I did not know the extend of his "stress" nor of other "world issues" he'd been pondering.
I, obviously, could not "fix" his problems....(sure he had a 'full day' but it was all good stuff and how God invented "time" is not something I could answer right then and there)...
So... I decided just to engage him in further "conversation" while he was "gushing". He had allowed me to see inside his heart...I just wanted to hang out in there for awhile longer.
Trey loves "brain-teasers" and thought that would be a good way to keep him 'talking'. Keep him and I involved .... verbally entwined .... connected. I didn't want it to end.
[ BTW: I HATE 'brain teasers'...Jim always throws them out during dinner conversations and I just groan and zone OUT. But I know Trey loves them so I sucked it up and decided to set my pride aside as I knew I was about to be shown up by an 11 yr old many times over]
I "googled" some brain teasers on my laptop and we spent the next hour or so figuring out how stinkin' smart Trey is and how bad Momma's logic skills are. Smile.
After an hour of this, my brain was fried [and I had already taken my THREE 'Unisom' sleeping aids and my body was saying "SLEEP" but my heart was saying "PARENT"] so I decided to gently say...
"How ya feeling Trey-Bear?"
He said, "Oh what? I'm fine. But I'm tired... so... night Mom."
He walked away from me...again...and....again...my heart swooned and skipped. Trey had let me 'into' his brain to hear his heart, his concerns, his 'troubles'.... I felt honored and... TRUSTED.
So, Trey and I's relationship, over the course of two days or so, had gone from being defined as "I am a possible bother"... to .... "I trust you Mom" .... to .... "I feel comfortable enough to spill my verbal guts all over the room".
Not until AFTER the "brainteaser" night did I reflect on the little 'path' our relationship had walked.
Each event or conversation had felt independent of the other...but I know now that they were related.
Trey needed to be brave and ask or apologize for being "a bother". For some of my other kids...this would have been no big deal. They would not have felt it or they would not have struggled bringing it up. Trey is not them. Each of the five have their own set of wiring.
After this 'Issue" was resolved in his heart...he let me into his world...deeper and deeper.
And I really didn't even know it was happening.
Like some of the parenting moments when you KNOW something big is happening (like Tye walking into our room the other week sobbing about his "China Mommy")...
But. Nope.
Did not even know it was all inter-related until I sat back and "looked" at it.
Parenting is a conundrum sometimes, isn't it?
A hodge-podge of moments that add up to something amazing. Something that can change the world. A thing that will impact other people's lives intimately and change generations.
Parenting results in a child slowly morphing into an ADULT who is ready to take on the world...or at least that is how I hope our parenting turns out! eek.
Go take on the world Trey....but...give them a few more years...they aren't quite ready for you yet love...and I am not ready to watch you walk away from again...not just yet my sweetheart.
Parenting with my fingers crossed behind my back for high hopes and whispering prayers incessantly...
Andrea ;)
2 PLEASE give your thoughts! Click to comment!:
I just LOVE your family and I want to move in! I love all the crazy pictures. I especially loved the one of K=Jim looking at his purple fingers ;o) Nice hair girl!
Always love your photos Andrea...and thanks for sharing your conversations with Trey. I've had a similar thing with my oldest daughter where she said a similar thing to me and it pulls you up as they can take how we're feeling about completely unrelated things to be how they think we feel about them...scary!
Take care,
Anna
Post a Comment