Some more thoughts on sickness, especially in children...

GGRRREEEAAATTT....this is what T-R-E-Y did during Math ..... super work T-R-E-Y...I see I am REALLY holding your interest my precious Einstein.

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I have a friend who's in the middle of fighting a difficult, not terminal, but difficult disease that has taken up residence in her child.

This is a Christian, God-loving, friendly, giving, honest, and trustworthy family....who's in a bit of crisis right now.

Their crisis not only lies on the medical battlefront but it lies within the spiritual battlefront too.

WHY they ask? WHY?

WHY does my child have pain? WHY isn't God taking, at least, the PAIN away?

Is it to teach US a lesson? (oh my skins quivers at that statement....)

Is it something WE are doing wrong??

Okay...

I DO NOT claim to be a theologian and I've been talked into a corner by those claiming to, in fact, be 'theologians' (though our fundamental assumptions of God were vastly different so a true conversation wasn't possible...)

BUT....

Does the God YOU know put disease, pain, and sadness INTO children's lives to teach the PARENT'S a lesson????

I just cannot, won't, ever accept this theology.

It shatters what I've created my world around if I do....I'm not, necessarily, scared of being 'shattered' but I've NEVER seen any other truth that speaks otherwise...God HATES disease...HATES it and only uses it AFTER it's in place to bring others to Him.

Does God want my precious friend questioning her Mothering-skills b/c she can't help her child get rid of the pain?

NO!

CAN God USE this disease that evil brought to bring my friend closer to Him? Yes.

I saw it happen in my life...it was a monumentous day in my little life.

I was 19. Engaged. In College. Sitting , alone, at a picnic table on a beautiful Spring day. Writing. Writing to God. Then to the Devil. About my cancer-ridden Dad. Lots of tears.

The letter to Satan went something like this:

YOU WILL NOT WIN. YOU ARE TAKING MY DAD BUT in honor of MY DAD YOU WILL NOT GET ME. NEVER. I CHOSE CHRIST TODAY. THROW it at ME EVIL...I CAN TAKE IT.

The letter to God went something like this:

WHY won't You heal him? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. HE IS MY DAD. HE IS NOT PERFECT BUT I NEED HIM HERE. WE NEED HIM HERE. MY MOM WILL BE LONELY FOREVER.

......sob..... BUT I AM CHOSING TO CLING TO YOU, TRUST YOU, and HATE EVIL. I FEEL YOUR LOVE through my CONFUSION. BUT IT HURTS.

To me, "that" is the day I accepted Christ....though I was blessed to be raised in a rockin' and amazing church ..... to go on missions trips in high school, to be blessed with a Christian fiance...THAT is the day I, Andrea Michelle Lowe/Cockrum, REALLY decided to accept Christ.

It meant MORE to me that day, alone at a picnic table writing two lone letters, than it EVER did pronouncing my faith publicly at church, at church camp, whatever.

I chose Christ that day. In the midst of fear, anger, hatred, confusion....I chose to trust God. I ONLY chose to trust God b/c I COULD feel His strength under me, holding my head up...though I was very close to losing my earthly father....

(my Dad passed about 5 months later...just 3 months after I was married....My Dad, Bruce, got BOTH of his daughters married to amazing guys before he felt it was okay to 'go'....Luv ya Dad.)

I guess when my friend comes to me, in tears, asking WHY won't God heal my baby of this pain?....My only response can be....

"I know. It hurts. It beyond painful. It's a lifelong pain. But God did NOT put it there....Why it's not taken away we'll know some other day.....but....YOU are NOT the problem, EVIL is. Try to FEEL GOD my friend.....He's stronger than confusion, fear, and anger....and He's as sad as you are over the pain your child is in...HE hurts more than us...."

These FUNDAMENTAL questions swirl all around us EVERY day...but that are often put off with cliche responses:

"Oh..God has a better plan"

"Just trust Him"

"Time will heal"

UGH.

I HATE CLICHE CHRISTIAN RESPONSES. ugh.

(okay...that was a little angry..sorry!! I really am nice!!! ha)

But, the Christian community CANNOT rely on the cliche's like they did in the last two generations ....

We MUST get in there with REAL answers.....NOW.

Children are in pain, Momma's are crying, and we friends MUST answer.

Phew. Glad to get that out of my head....

Andrea
luv ya

The Power of Friendship

Chase, Trey, and Zane enjoyed their FIRST basketball game of the season Saturday...yes, we had THREE basketball games AND Aven's bday party Saturday! LUV chaos!

Zane was, um, 'kinda' into his game though he did walk over to me in the stands -WHILE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PLAYING!- and asked me "Mom when do I get my pretzel and cheese?!" (this must be an instinctual response to being in the gymnasium...cuz when he's attended his brother's games over the last three years he always gets a pretzel with cheese...hehe!) and then he aksed his Dad, aka his assistant coach, "When is this over Dad?".

Trey got BEST EFFORT for his team !!! And Chase got "Most Christlike" for his!!! Goo Job Cockrum Team!!!!


This is Aven hanging out with one of her namesakes last week...This is my "Mamaw"...and now she's Aven's "Mamaw" too....

Had to get one more pic of Aven's party in here!!! LUV Chaos!!! (the girl in red by Aven is my twin sister...her website is: www.reachtoindia.com)

Isn't this gorgeous??!!! This is a chair I fell in love with at a beautiful store in Antigua. Jim got it shipped home for me.... The chair was inexpensive but the shipping was killer! THANK YOU HONEY!!!

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Are you a "good" friend to people?

I'm not talking about simply having good friends...I'm talking about that other dimension of friendship which causes you to take the time to remember, to prepare, to love, to be involved.

Sometimes I am NOT a good friend.

I've been known to forget birthdays, anniversaries, I NEVER send cards out ('cept for Christmas or when we add new kidlets), I struggle to remember events for my friends' kids like important doc appointments, milestones,etc.

This isn't necessarily a new revelation to me and it's something I've been TRYING to work on for awhile.

But sometimes I see other people do FRIENDLY things it's like a slap in the face....truly!

My neighbors let me know yesterday that they are bringing me dinner EVERY night this week.

This is NOT a church family, it is NOT a small group, it is NOT a sorority, it is NOT family...

It's 8 neighbors who want to support us during this transition.

Now that is friendly.

Would I have organized this like my neighbors Kristen and Lora did??? Nope.

I might have brought a dinner independently but I wouldn't have taken the time to organize it and provide such a beautiful gesture.

I stink at that stuff.....I gotta get better!

Friendship is powerful...The support and love we've felt from our friends and family during this season in our lives has REALLY shown me the importance of being a good friend, whether real or cyber!!!

People seem to put friendship in a box, don't they?

Like, "well, I don't know them that well so I don't need to do anything"

or

"They go to a different church than me so I don't need to do anything".

or

"They have alot of family support so they don't need me".

I'm going to stop using these excuses in my own life......

I don't want my friendships to be bound by preconceived ideas or stress....

Now, obviously, there's a limit to what a Momma can do .... But I want to work harder at being like my neighbors....

Thanks for the dinner Kristen!!!

Andrea
I was sick in bed today until about 6:00pm! I had just a touch of what Jim had...that's what I get for kissing that hunk!

I have a new goal in life.

My new life goal is to let Tye relive his babyhood...toddlerhood.

He's missed SO much ..... He NEVER had a Mommy sing nursery rhymes to him when he was a baby....He did NOT have a Mommy cuddling him to sleep...He did NOT have a DADDY to teach him to catch a ball....

Aven is Tye's ticket IN to these fun things....

Without Aven...Tye would not be as welcomed into the toddler library class...into the little kids music class...etc.

I've always kinda thought Aven would pull Tye forward...I just wasn't sure 'how'.

The 'how' is becoming clearer.

Tye NEEDS what Aven's getting...He NEEDS some baby-treatment. He never got it.

We'll give it to him....We will happily give it him....We will be help him relive his first two years.... what a joy to actually get to see him experience these things...we thought we'd forever missed his first two years...

Little did we know..... as usual!

Andrea
learning as I go...

Andrea's...oops...I mean "Aven's" birthday fiesta...and thoughts....

Our Birthday Princess!!!! (the sash says "Princess"...of course!)

At Aven's "Gymboree Play Store" party we had over 20 kiddos!!! And FOUR of those kiddos were baby girls recently home from Guatemalal!!! God is so cool...

Mommy had a BUNCH of fun at the partay!!!!


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Hhhhmmmm.....

I 'thought' I was planning a birthday party for my AVEN...

but, apparently, it was a bit/alot of rme too!

I didn't expect this.

I've prepared my fair share of kid birthday parties. I'm ALWAYS happy and excited about the party and feel such happiness for my kidlet that day...I love it when they feel special and loved.

But..Aven's party....shew!!

It was like a HUGE hug from friends and family...I know Aven felt it but I felt it too.

ALL of the support and encouragement we've received from our friends and family during our entire adoption process...from deciding to even add a 5th, to finding Story, to losing Story, to finding Aven, to meeting Aven, to living with Aven....to bringing Aven home.

Wow....It kinda culminated for me at Aven's party Saturday. Just to see the joy in OTHER'S faces when they met Aven for the first time, finally.

SO fulfilling. SO encouraging. SO warm.

Mother's DO need alot of encouragement. It's a LONG, Hard, Scary job sometimes

"Am I doing it right?"

"What more should I be doing?"

etc.

So to have a room full of friends and family supporting us...our parenting...our choices....BIG DEAL!

A HUGE disapointment was that Jim was terribly and horribly sick Friday night and Saturday.

Jim is NEVER EVER EVER sick. Never.

But...he was Saturday and missed his baby girl's first birthday party. After ALL that Jim has done to get his little girl home and safe and loved...he missed this encouraging afternoon.

It was SO sad...I felt so bad for him. I wanted to be able to stay home and take care of him but the joy of having two of us around is that we can divide and conquer when necessary!

So, Jim watched his baby girl's birthday party via SKYPE on his laptop...We had a video camera feeding into Jim's laptop so he could at least SEE what we were doing and share some of the memories being made.

Oh what a mighty weekend ... memories....fun...and food poisoning!!!!!!

Andrea
I LOVE mommyin'.....Luv it.

PS Did I mention we also had THREE basketball games on Saturday? 8:30am, 11:00am...Aven's party from 4 -5:30pm, and another basketball game at 7:00pm!!! But I LOVE it and wouldn't have it ANY other way....Chaos if fun.

A breath of fresh air.....

Social Skills and Homeschooling: Myths and Facts The Debate I've heard it a hundred times. If you're thinking about homeschooling, it probably troubles you. "What about socialization?" is the major homeschooling question people have about a homeschooling lifestyle. Professional educators, who don't fully understand the many styles of homeschooling, often raise this issue. They believe school is the only place children learn socialization skills. But it's just not true! The socialization myth was born out of a misconception of what it's like to homeschool. Many educators and critics of homeschooling still believe homeschoolers hit the books at 9 a.m., work all day at their kitchen table till 3:00 p.m. or later, and spend their day isolated and alone. This, of course, is ridiculous! The homeschoolers I know are out and about every day, enjoying museums, beaches, parks, and shows without the crowds. They travel often. The kids participate in Girl and Boy Scouts, 4-H, and sports. They take art, dance, drama, language, and music classes, to name a few. Dr. Raymond Moore, author of over 60 books and articles on human development, has done extensive research on homeschooling and socialization. His book, The Hurried Child, should be in every homeschooler's library. "The idea that children need to be around many other youngsters in order to be 'socialized,'" Dr. Moore writes, "is perhaps the most dangerous and extravagant myth in education and child rearing today." Children often do not respond well to large groups. They become nervous and overexcited by noise and too many people. Learning becomes difficult. Behavioral problems develop. After analyzing over 8,000 early childhood studies, Dr. Moore concluded that, contrary to popular belief, children are best socialized by parents -- not other children. What kind of socialization occurs when 20 or 30 kids of the same age are placed in a classroom together day after day? Peer pressure is enormous. Kids feel like they need to look and sound and be like everyone else, at the risk of forgetting or never discovering who they really are. This results in rivalry, ridicule, and competition - hardly the environment for healthy socialization. A homeschooler who interacts with parents and siblings more than with peers displays self-confidence, self-respect, and self-worth. She knows she's a part of a family unit that needs, wants, and depends on her. The result is an independent thinker who isn't influenced by peers and is self-directed in her actions and thoughts. Do tests bear this out? You bet! The Research In July 2000, the Discovery Institute, a Seattle-based think-tank, published an extensive report on homeschooling written by Senior Fellow Dr. Patricia Lines. She describes several controlled studies comparing the social skills of homeschoolers and nonhomeschoolers. The homeschoolers scored as "well adjusted." In one study, trained counselors viewed videotapes of mixed groups of homeschooled and schooled children at play. The counselors didn't know the school status of each child. The results? The homeschooled kids demonstrated fewer behavioral problems. Dr. Lines' conclusion? "There is no basis to question the social development of homeschooled children." Homeschooling parents know kids need blocks of quiet time alone. Time to dream and grow and find out what it is they love to do. This is something few children enjoy today. They are never alone at school, and their after-school lives are packed full of activities, as well. If you are considering homeschooling and are still concerned about socialization, I suggest the following: 1. Find other homeschoolers in your area and strike up friendships. This can be done via the Internet, your place of worship, a food co-op, or library. Put up notices on safe billboards in your community. 2. Join a group like 4-H. 4-H is a youth development organization. Your child can choose one of their many clubs, based on his or her interests (rocketry, crafts, environment, animals, dance, and many more). All are welcome, and it's free. 3. When you meet families out with kids during school hours, ask them if they homeschool. I know of many friendships that started that way! 4. Find out about the sports programs available through your local parks and recreation department. Team sports give kids the opportunity to meet peers with common interests. 5. Volunteer your services. Visit local nursing homes, shelters, etc. One young homeschooler regularly visited a nursing home with her mom and gave elderly women manicures. Giving unselfishly to one's community sets a good example and develops true socialization skills. Socialization, like learning and life, takes place every day. How you interact with your kids -- and how they watch you interact with the outside world -- teaches them all the social skills they'll need to know. Stop worrying about socialization. It's a "problem" that never existed! More on: How to Homeschool Getting to Know Homeschoolers Pre-Homeschooling Checklist Why Choose Homeschooling? Should You Homeschool Through the Summer? 10 Tips to Becoming a Great Homeschool Parent More Related Topics *************************** We, Jim and I, NEVER EVER EVER EVER hear this type of stuff about homeschooling aaahhhh...it's like breathing in fresh and fragant ocean air!!!!!!!!!! aaahhhhh.... Andrea

I lost an hour and a half of my life today.

Yep.

I lost the hour and half between 7:30p and 9:00pm.

I don't know how....Don't remember a thing.

The last thing I remember was sitting in Chase, Trey, and Zane's room teaching/reminding/lecturing them about cleaning WITH excellence...(just WHY do boys stuff socks behind beds and plastic elephants in their closet? help. me.)

I remember saying, "Come on guys, this is NOT clean! Trey put the legos in the lego bucket, Zane pick up your stuffies, and Chase actually hang clothes UP in the closet this time my love..."

Then. gone.

I became aware of my surroundings around 9pm.

It was dark.

I was warm.

hhhmmmm??? It was SCARY quiet. (always a bad sign around here....)

I struggled to move...my arms and legs felt like barbells and my head felt like a tire.

I could have laid there for DAYS in happiness, warmth, and quiet!

But I had a slow to understand moment of recognition....

I vaguely started recollecting Chase saying, "Mom, here's a blanket...." and Trey saying, "She likes it dark...turn the lights out..."

Oh. My.

I lost myself to an emergency.....NAP!

It just came on like "that"....didn't even know what hit me upside my tired brain.

You see, Aven has been AWAKE during what USED to be my quiet/powernapping time in the afternoons...

Wowzers.

It's TAKING a TOLL I tell you!

My bones feel hollow, my brain feels heavy, and my speech is slurred come 4:30pm each day if there's no 45 minutes break in the afternoon.

So, today my body just took over, knocked me out, and got some needed emergency sleep.....

But..NOW I'm going to up until the WEE hours I'm afraid....

Can't a Momma win??? (snicker)

Andrea

here's what I did today:

awake: 9:00am (YES! I'm a late riser and PROUD of it...Jim gets up w/the kids in the mornings around 8am)
coffee/internet: 9:00-9:20a
Laundry: 9:20 -9:40a
Get kids and myself dressed: 9:40 - 10:20
Load 3 of 5 kids into car and give 2 older kids a project to do while littles and I are at a library class (Daddy working at home while olders do project): 10:20 - 10:40
10:45 - 11:40 : Toddler Library Class with Avi, Zane, and Tye, get new books for littles, lug everyone into and out of library in sub-zero weather...
11:40 - 12:20: Get lunch to go at McDonald's, take it home, everyone eats together
12:20 - 1:30: I have an interior design meeting w/ a friend ... We're working on a church lobby.
1:30 - 2:00: Goto "Entree Vous" and get "dinner to take and bake" (stuffed shells and mariana) and run to March grocery store for some necessities...in SUB-ZERO temps.
2:00 - 2:30: get home, unload car, talk to Jim, check mail, almost fall asleep at kitchen table reading mail.
2:30 - 5: 00 : Homeschool the kids (USUALLY we homeschool for 4 hours in the morning and do extra-curricular activities in the afternoon but today was off b/c of the library class and my meeting) I did some preschool activities w/Zane and Tye; Bible with Chase/Trey; Lanuage Arts with Chase/Trey; Reading time w/ Chase/Trey (out loud reading); Zane and Tye on computer doing art; History with Chase/Trey (we are doing history chronologically and have made it all the way to The War of 1812! Did you know that war is unusual b/c the treaty didn't declare a 'winner'...essentially England and America called a truce! who knew?)
5:00-6:00: put my "take and bake" dinner in the oven, organized our winter coats...they were in complete dissary! More laundry
6:00-7:30: household stuff, cleaned bathroom, Jim gave Avi a bath and watched with a smile, cleaned up Avi's room, etc.
7:30pm: went down to Chase/Trey/Zane's room b/c they said it was "clean" (which is a prerequisite to playing video games at night)..I checked it...NOT clean.
7:30-9:00pm - Lost forever.
9:00pm - until now.....watching TV with Jimmy and blogging....

HELLO!!!???!! And today we didn't have any outside activities for Chase or Trey..!!!

Zoiks.

I'm not going to make it through the next 10 years!!! hehe

"Fast Shoes"

Just what exactly is it about new tennis shoes and boys?

huh?

Put a new pair of tennis shoes on a boy and watch him go NUTS!

How do I know this?

Because tonight was "new tennis shoe" night for the Cockrum kids. And the end result was four boys darting, jumping, sprinting, and leaping out of the mall because their new shoes were so "fast"!!

( All our basketball players get new shoes for the season. I TRULY think this is why Chase agrees to play basketball each year!!! And, I KNOW, Tye isn't on a team (yet) but...YOU look at that gorgeous Shoe-Crazy boy and into his gorgeous brown eyes and tell him "No Shoes For You" as he's clinging to a very stylish and refined black and red pair of Nike Shocks! hehe)

And before each boy settled on his final selection, EACH potential shoe had to be tried on and then.......the boy had to jump up high in them.

The Cockrum boys looked like kangaroos tonight at "The Finish Line" shoe store!

Trey solidly told me one pair "didn't jump well".

Chase, my INCREDIBLY fashionable (read: picky) 11 yr old told me one pair was to "thick".

Zane wanted to be sure he could sleep in his new shoes tonight before he decided which ones should be his...

And, Tye, who is a Shoe-Lover!!! (good job Andrea!!!), locked onto the first pair I slightly nodded yes too and would NOT let them go. They are presently waiting for him by his bed to be put on the first second he swings his feet awake!

Phew.

What? What did you ask?

OF COURSE SHE DID!!!

Was that even a question??

She got pink tennis shoes to go with her new purple Addidas track suit she's wearing to the opening games of her brothers' basketball seasons!!

I LOVE having a GIRL!!!

And, NO, she did NOT run around the mall like a crazy rooster cuz' her shoes were "fast".

I, too, remember that "OH MY GOODNESS I GOT NEW SHOES FEELING" from childhood. It was heavenly. All was right with the world that night because I could wake up and put new shoes on and I would get to look at my feet all the next day and smile....aahhhhh...

Did anyone else feel this way as a kid?? SURELY someone did!!???

Well..okay...Now I guess I know where my kids get their crazy shoe fetishes from...

giggle,
Andrea

PS There's been a funky consequense of this blog..When I see freinds in real life, I'll start to tell a story or something, and they will interupt me and say, "Oh I read that on your blog".....I have NOTHING to talk about in real life anymore!!!! It's ALL here!

I used to be the toast of the crowd..now I just sit quietly an contemplate my next blog post...(NOT!!!!) .... (laugh)

Oh - Someone wants to know how we decide how much to spend on tennis shoes because one could, literally, spend HUNDRED AND HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of dollars on tennis shoes..especially with 10 growing feet and a fashion fru-fru Momma.

I don't know if this is smart, reasonable, or if we're scarring them for life (snort) but we tell the 11 and 8 yr olds what their 'budget' is for shoes. IF it's for a certain sport, the budget is higher...say $50 - $60. (though we caught a GREAT sale and $30/each for the older's shoes...but..OF COURSE...Chase asked if that meant he could TWO pairs! NO!)

IF it's just b/c the shoes have worn out and there's no looming hardcore (giggle) sport then the budget is MUCH lower..like $20.

The younger two are just told yes or no according to the price and they need to find a pair they like within our "yes's".

BUT..for Aven? Well....Sheesh. Just ONE girl?? No biggie. She'll get the shoes she wants. (rolling eyes and sarcasm b/c Aven's Daddy is NOT a 'look at the label' kinda guy and WHEN the day comes when Aven is saying "But Daddy...I REALLY want those new shoes! PLease Daddy! I know they are $120 but I will do extra chores at home...PLEASE Daddy? Oh and Daddy, I LOVE shopping with you..."

Well - I WANT to be a fly on the wall for that conversation!!!! The Daddy is so very whipped...

In honor of homeschoolers everywhere...a quote for the week (snort)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY my daughter....You are loved....

Another shot of Aven with her "Guat Girl Gang" on Saturday!!! hehe

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Let me set the scene:

Zane is dripping wet from his bath. He's a "big boy" now and gets out of the bath himself...BUT...

He doesn't seem to believe in using towels. He just puts his pajamas right on. YUCK!

So he flops his big old Golden Retriever little boy feet into the kitchen...

His eyes lock onto mine.

I can tell there's a big question coming. I'm not sure if it's "Can I stay up later?" or "Can I watch a movie?" (even though he KNOWS it's bedtime...)

but then he says....(get ready to laugh)...

"Mom, do you HAVE to go to school when you are older?"

I'm thinkin' , "Huh?? What?" Then I realize there was just a commercial on the TV for a local college...HA!

I smirked and replied, " Well, no you don't have to goto school when you are older.".

Zane let out a HUGE HUGE HUGE sigh of relief...seriously...HUGE.

He said, " oh gooooooodddd...."

Mommy replied "Are you going to goto school when you are older?"

"No." Zane QUICKLY replied.

"Why?" asked me, the HOMESCHOOLING Momma.

"Because it doesn't look like it's fun....Kinda like real school".


OOOOHHHHH GGGRRREEEAAATTTTT.

Andrea

Aven was THE PRINCESS all day today....We are celebrating with a grand party at "Gymboree" play store on Saturday afternoon...BUT only AFTER TWO big brother basketball games at 8:30am, 11:00am and then there's another brother game AFTER her party at 7:00pm !!!!

I am doing pretty good on the whole guilt thing (see yesterday's post)...Once I recognized it during my blog last night, I was able to better handle it.

Today I was able to look into my daughter's eyes with joy and happiness....knowing that she's loved beyond words by MANY people.

My baby ..... is ..... (insert smothered scream and groan here...)

ONE YEAR OLD TOMORROW!!!!!

Now, if you've hung w/me long enough on this blog, you KNOW that my kids' birthdays sent me into the land of sentimentality.

But...phew...AVEN'S first birthday is sending me way past sentimentality and into mass hysteria.

I'm NOT sure exactly why....I "think" it it has something to do with Story maybe? (Story is the first Guatemalan daughter of our hearts...WE lost her referral last March 15 and accepted Aven's on March 17th).

Or it might be the fact that I have NEVER had one of my adopted children in my arms on THEIR first birthday. (Chase was 14 mos old on "gotcha day" and Tye was 2.5 yrs old..)

um. yep. As I was writing it down I've realized that's it. It's been tossing around in my head all day but now that I'm spitting it all out onto in a keyboard...it makes sense.

The ONE year old birthday is a BIG deal, right? I'm not sure exactly why it so important.....

But..I've realized I've felt SO VERY BAD for Aven's birthmomma today.

We don't know her....but....then again...I do.

I know her through my Aven Catherine Mundell....though she thinks of her as Dulce Isabel.

It's the same sweet baby...

A baby that was nurtured in her womb for 9 long months and who was released to us in one of the most amazing acts of love known to motherhood.

But, I have felt a NEW adoptive momma feeling for me...GUILT.

Yep. Guilt.

I feel guilty today that I'm looking into Aven's eyes and that her birthmom isn't....

I've NEVER felt guilt towards our birthmommas...but I've never had a baby this young in my arms through adoption.

It's different.

I will chose to remove the guilt now that I've recognized it...

but Aven...Dulce's...precious birthmom WILL be in and on my heart heavily tomorrow as we celebrate Aven's first year and her vast future....

As Aven poses for pics in her new purple tu-tu, I will keep these moments forefront in MY mommy-mind...in honor of Silvia...Aven's birthmom.

As we celebrate this Saturday with cake, balloons, laughter, happiness, and a sense of wonder...I will keep these memories FOREVER in my heart..in honor of Silvia.

Thank you Silvia.....Thank you.

And may YOU have a sense of Peace tomorrow towards your precious Dulce Isabel. May you have the sense of closure that you need to continue with your God-given life...and I don't have any more words to explain to you what a gift...a reward...a honor...a treasure...this child is...to both you .... and me.

Happy BIRTHDAY our PRECIOUS ANGEL!!!!!

We'll celebrate ALL week long...okay? okay!!!

Andrea
planning a Gymboree party for this Saturday...for a baby GIRL!!!!!!! What a blast....

Am I really eating this for lunch? Apparently, my day is in a downward spiral.

I'm eating lettuce w/black olives, banana peppers, ranch dressing....(of course)...and POTATO chips crunched up in it .....along with bits of lunch meat.

Oh my.

Long gone are fancy corporate lunches ..... long gone in fact!

I think Monday is the hardest day of the week in regards to homeschooling.

Getting everyone back in the groove, getting chores done (uh - hem. ....WITH excellence) before school starts...all after two fun days "off" of life.

AND...It's like a vacuum of space for me on Mondays....NO husband talking to me, no friends for lunch, nada.

Can you tell my Monday is going less than perfect and I'm longing for yesterday's afternoon spend shopping the winter clearance sales with my friend Jessica....

Andrea
looking forward to TUESDAY.

EXHALE.............AND...Let's talk!

aaahhh...Princess Shoes. They make me smile.



Saturday night was VERY special. We are close friends to several families who've adopted from Guatemala recently. We have all waited this crazy process out together..Saturday night...THREE of our princesses were together for the first time!!! It was SO precious....All three of us Moms just sat on the floor and STARED at our baby girls...and said, "I can't believe they are all here...finally!"

This is AVERY!! Home from Guat since September.....




This is Tessa and her Daddy...Tessa has been home since November!!



And THIS was dinner Saturday!!!! YEP! Between our three families, there are EIGHT boys!!! hehe No WONDER we needed some princesses!!!!!! BUT OH WHAT JOY to see the EIGHT gentlemen DOTING on their new sisters......anyone have a tissue??? (although at one point, my Zane (age 5) came into the room with the three girls, looked around, and asked, "Which ones Aven?" !!!)


Aven went to her first LIBRARY class Thursday morning!!! hehe (I'm addicted to the library btw). Here she is all dolled up for the class....I have SO MUCH fun getting her dressed up. I can't stop smiling while I'm dressing her...even though she's pitching a fit cuz' the girl does NOT like laying still for outfit changes! Hhhhmmm...that's going to make it hard for her to win Miss America....!!!



www.etzy.com has AMAZING and CHEAP hair accessories....This is one of my favorites so far. Oh...I'm also addicted to little baby girl hair accessories!



Avi and Tye enjoyed Avi's library class!!! (I think, however, that TYE enjoyed the class WAY more than Aven!!! It's JUST what he needs and Aven's his ticket 'in'!!!) We sang "Wheels on the Bus", had story time, played with puppets, worked on colors, sang "Itsy-Bitzy Spider"...etc. Oh the elegant life I lead!!! laugh And, YES, I wore a hip outfit, makeup, and adorable shoes to library story time! gaggle



We are, obviously, back home again in Indiana....these two were headed out for some mean snow fighting this week....(they still look like kissable and pinchable little baby boys to me though!)

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PPHHEEWWWW!!!

It feels good to be blogging again! FOUR days is about as LONG as I can go w/out you guys!! haha

So, guess what?

A itsy-bitsy part of me misses Guatemala!! (not the part that likes living in America with delicious water and a big ol' SUV to drive around....but...a smaller part!)

It hits me, us, every now and then.


Tye and Trey....in Guatemala at the Grand Tikal last month....


(If you are new to my blog, to catch you up, we have been home for just over two weeks after spending 103 days in Guatemala adopting our fifth child....)

For instance, I had the kids in the car and Trey, my 8 yr old, said, "This is alot better than a tuk-tuk!".....

But then we all kinda sighed and said, "But tuk-tuks WERE fun!"



Another "Trey" picture...this is the outside of the Grand Tikal hotel which we stayed in for 32 days...after being in Antigua in a private home for 2 months....Did all that really happen???


or I will have a moment to let my mind wander....

and it ALWAYS wanders back to Guatemala...thinking of Clara (our maid...but more than that...our friend), the oh-so friendly employees at the Grand Tikal, or the neat lady that ran Chase's futbol camp in Antigua....

They are all still "there". That's THEIR NORMAL. That's their EVERY DAY. wow.

The longer we're home the more amazing that experience becomes...The more I value it and realize something like that, in the stage of life we are in (with lots of small kidlets), is pretty cool.

But...that said...STILL INCREDIBLY AND JUMPIN' for JOY GLAD TO BE HOME!!!

Not a day goes by where one of us will say, "I am SO glad to be HOME!" (while at the same time reminiscing about our time away...it's all SO weird right now!! We feel part American and part Guatemalan now...)



Do those eyes pierce your heart like they do ours???


The amazement of "home" hits me hard sometimes....

Like drinking the water in the shower, or having a pantry full of food for the boys to snack on, my bed, grass, friends coming over for dinner, the library (aka Heaven on Earth), our homeschool room full of activities, our dog (yes, our dog), or seeing Aven in HER bed...finally.

These things are HOME to us now.....and we are LOVING it.

Something else blew me away today...just this morning in fact.

We were walking into church...and I immediately saw something that TOOK MY BREATH AWAY.

I saw an older, well, okay..QUITE older man....with his eyes closed, unaware of his surroundings, a smile on his face........

Singing Praises to God.

It was SUCH a powerful moment for me...

Jim and I have a HUGE respect for the elderly...HUGE.

To see this precious, elderly man completely consumed by praising God...in his own private way...

it made ME feel like WE were doing something right by being at church today.

It's almost hard to put into words but knowing someone THAT far ahead in life than us...and he stills loves praising the Lord....and being involved in a church body...well..

that speaks VOLUMES to me.

It was a BEAUTIFUL sight...I wanted to stare at him the whole time but that would have probably weirded him out!! (though he was pretty oblivious to those around him which was SO cool to me...)

I WANTED to get my camera out of my purse and snap his pic quickly but that kinda felt illegal or something...

so...

I just soaked in the moment.

Just like soaking in moments with my husband and kids...moments that are fleeting but, at the same time, life changing.

sigh.

There's something else new in my life (I TOLD you this would be a long post!!!!)

My Mom has started emailing me her "prayers" for me ... not every day, not crazy stuff, just simple, beautiful words that she has spoken to God on my families behalf.

Mom, I LOVE them and thank you.

I appreciate your efforts towards acknowledging the 'next' generation in communication (email!) and using it as a method to show your love towards me and my family.

My Mom has been "E-Praying" for me each Sunday morning..She sends me an email with her prayers that our Sunday will be restful, happy, and that, if we are going to church that day, we are able to get out of the house without stress...(cough cough...God needs to work a miracle there Mom...but..ya know...), etc.

I don't know what kind of communication vehicle I will be using to communicate with MY kids when they are hustling their families out of the house for church, or for library visits, or for karate lessons...

But I've learned from my Mom this week that I need to figure that medium out and use it to it's best advantage.

Shew.

It's been a GREAT four days....and as I'm typing that all of our dear friends fighting cancer flooded into my brain.

YES - It's been a GREAT four days. That's NOT bad to say....Please rejoice with me during this time of joy in my family....

and PRAY for others who are struggling with your next breath.

Life is grand...complicated....weird....double-sided...but grand.

Andrea

HERE'S A HINT (!!!) OF SOMETHING BIG (sob) THAT'S HAPPENING IN OUR HOME THIS WEEK!!

New haircut, Got Mommy Guilt? and a funny story! Keep Reading!

Got my hair cut and colored today!!! Funky cool!!! Can you tell that my little flippy pieces are a bright gold and the rest of my hair is brown?? I think I need a new tattoo to really pull off this look...(get up off the floor Mom...)
I HATE getting my pic taken...but like showing off cute hair!!
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I'm giving a presentation at my community-based, Christian Momma group...

It's called "SmartMommas"! It's a oh-so fun group of women ... The first hour we are "Mommas"...the second hour ... We are NOT allowed to mention motherhood and MUST focus on our non-Mommy lives!

IF you are in the Indianapolis area please feel invited!

Here's our website: www.smartmommas.com

ANYHOO!!!

So..I'm speaking on "Mommy Guilt" tomorrow.

I stumbled upon a GREAT BOOK:

(IF you one of my SmartMommas reading my blog today...READ NO FURTHER!! You will be BORED STIFF by my talk if you read FURTHER!! hehe...I can't take that pressure girls!)

Again...ANYHOO!

http://www.parentopia.net/chapter.html

It's does deal with "Mommy Guilt" but it also seems to have GREAT ideas for working your daily life in such a manner that you don't CREATE moments of Mommy-guilt ... IE Yelling at your kids b/c they messed up the Family Room just moments before friends come over...INSTEAD: Keep the kidlets occupied with games/toy/chores till friends arrive b/c you have thought ahead about potential problems....

I've been auditing myself on "Mommy Guilt"...

I don't struggle with typical "Mommy Guilt" ...

I don't, often, feel bad about buying clothes for myself...(A girl NEEDS cute clothes!! hehe)
I don't, often, feel bad about eating out, etc. (Um...never...feel bad about eating out!)
I don't, often, feel bad for taking time for myself...(been working on that one)

BUT...I do have other areas where the wave of guilt splashes over me occasionally...

I do feel guilty, at times, for not having our school day as well organized as I should so that I'm not wasting anyone's time by looking for something or planning by the seat of my pants.

I have some "guilt" over taking naps during the day sometimes....

Or for getting up later in the mornings than I'd plan...

For having to "have" a cleaning service help around the house once/week...

But...

I'm reviewing this list...

and..

I'm thinking I should be thinking

A BIG..."SO WHAT ANDREA! GET OVER IT GIRL!!!!!""

Sheesh.

Whether a Momma is blessed with one child, four kidlets, or ten....she's going to have some negative feelings associated with her parenting....Right? Don't you think?

but...We need to MAKE SURE we are not being FROZEN by our guilt and not moving past it.

Or...I NEED to make sure I take that desperately needed nap and be HAPPY that I CAN take a nap during the day if I need too...and STOP getting soaked with waves of guilt when I wake up!

So.

That said...Check out that link...the two chapters that are there are fantastic...

Sleep Tight ....

Andrea

OH WAIT!! THE FUNNY STORY!! HERE IT IS!

For posterities sake, I MUST record this conversation that Jim (my goreous guy) and I had tonight. I will preface it by saying: "Girl babies are OH SO VERY different than boy babies!".

Andrea walks in from Target (of course!) at 8:30pm tonight, arms full of "stuff"!

Jim says, "Hey Babe...I JUST put Aven to sleep."

Flabbergasted, she looks cross-eyed at him, "Huh? Avi was so tired at dinner...How did she make it this long?"

Jim, father of ONE daughter coyly responds, "Well..We were just having such a good time on the couch. She is so cute."

"On the couch? What do you mean, 'on the couch'?" replied the experienced Mom of four boys but rookie Mom of a princessa.

"Well, seriously Andrea..She just SAT there and cuddled with me. She layed on my chest, played with my shirt...She is so beautiful." replied the OVERLY smitten father of four boys and a spoiled diva. (what is going on with his eyes Andrea wondered? Was that a sparkle? What IS that?)

She responds, "What do you mean 'just sat there?' Is Aven sick?". Andrea is quickly trying to mentally picture where the baby thermometer is and trying to remember the hours of the local medical clinic while grabbing her car keys.

Jim shrugged his shoulders and responded, "NO! She's not sick. She was just so happy. She just SAT there. She was so cuddly. She is beautiful." (Andrea noticed, again, something about his eyes. Huh? Is that a watery substance emanating from Jim's eyes...surely not...no way. )

Andrea resolves to see if this "just sitting there" phenomenon is in place tomorrow...As she wonders, "Has my husband finally lost his mental stability? I KNEW five kids would put him over the edge. Babies DO NOT just SIT 'there'."

(giggles)

AAAhhhhhh...the Library!!!!

Oh my.

We went back to the library for the first time today.

Wow.

I felt giddy just walking through the doors!! I LOVE the library.

To me, it's kinda like standing on the beach, looking at the ocean....

I feel wonderfully SMALL when I enter a library.

SO many books, so many ideas, opinions, thoughts, stories, etc....

This was Aven's FIRST time at our local library and she managed to play with ALL the toys, "read" several baby books, and be adorable for about the TWO hours we were there!!!!

The library.

Such a "simple" thing to us...

But...let's think about it.

Today I checked out books on volcanoes, Lewis & Clark's expedition, animal diets, ancient egyptian culture, Pocahontas, and the Earth's crust. ....

We also checked out my FAVORITE fiction book of ALL time: "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". (I'm SO very excited to read this to the boys next week...this book is what made me an avid reader..at the ripe age of 9! hehe!)

So...we check the books out, go home, read the books, learn, and go on with life.

BUT>>>>>What if we were still in Guatemala? OR what if we resided in Haiti? OR India? OR Kenya?

Libraries are NOT the norm in most cultures.

I feel HONORED today to have a library close by to teach my kids necessary and fun stuff .

Oh..the JOY of reading library books...It's the stuff a GREAT childhood education is made of...

Andrea
Readers are Leaders!! hehe

Chase, Trey, Zane, and Tye ALL went to bed with their favorite library book from the day...and were reading before bed...This is BIG people!!! Not the norm around here and I'm excited to see this occuring!!!!

School today....Is that Why I'm so exhausted????

Ugh.

These are cute videos but I had amazing pics tonight....but Jim's new Mac Notebook, which is supposed to be SOOOOO user-friendly, won't let me upload them here. ugh

Oh well.

WE DID MAKE IT THORUGH OUR FIRST DAY OF 'NORMAL' HOMESCHOOL...BARELY!!!!

Aven demanded to be held ALL day....I'm not into making her cry it out yet...She's to new and delicate to do that!!!

So, essentially, I held her through most of school!!! I could have worse problems!!

Here's what our day looked like:

Boys woke up at 8am.

Watched cartoons and ate breakfast till 9am.

9am - 10am - got dressed, brushed teeth, did household chores....Chase and Trey have ALOT more chores this semester...cuz' Mommas realized that life in Guatemala is WAY harder for most kids so MY kids can work a bit harder around the house! (I did laundry and general picku-up around the house, got dresses WITH makeup of course!! ALL the kids were dressed and cute...though no one saw them during school today!!)

10:30am - 3:30pm - School...with a break for me to power nap off a tummy ache from 12:00-12:30 and then lunch from 2:00-2:45p (we always eat lunch late during homeschooling..IF we are going to be out and about during the afternoon we'll eat earlier...)

In School today Chase and Trey did:

Math, Art, Bible, Science, Preschool help, History, and Language
Arts

In School today Zane did:

Playdough, Mr. Potato Head, Bible, Mazes, Moon Sand, Poetry and
helped Tye learning his 'words'.

In School Today Tye did:

Mr. Potato head, MoonSand, blocks, cars, starting to work on
the words "under", "on", "in" and "out" [Tye has a language delay]

In School Today Aven did:

"Must be held on Mommy's hip the entire time but I will accept
naptime when the time comes..." !!!!!!

I was PRETTY DURN TIRED AT 4:00pm today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But after a power nap while Tye and Avi slept, I felt better and Jim was home to take the older two boys to Upward Basketball at 6:00pm.

We had Tacos for dinner at 8:30pm after all the basketbal practices were done!!!

Shew...What a BUSY FIRST day back to REAL life with FIVE kids....and No hubby around all the time to help me out!!!

yawn.

Early bedtime tonight maybe??

IF you see me around here at 3am...tell me to go to bed!!!

Andrea
STILL OH SO HAPPY....but tired!!!

A new post but please keep commenting on the "Spiritual Logic" post if you want....AND...I have NEVER been this happy.

This was the post I was going to write a few nights ago...

I was writing it as Jim sat down on the couch next to me and said, "I have some bad news" and went on to tell me that our mentor is fighting a mean cancer.

So. That said....

I'm scared to post this.

Scared because since my Dad's fight with cancer 13 years ago....and since my prayer as a child till my teen years before sleep was "Please keep my parent's healthy" was not answered....

Well....

I guess I've been a bit scared to be "too" happy, kwim?

IF I'm not "too" insanely happy then when (notice my brain says 'when' not 'if') another loved one is taken from me...well...it won't hurt so much.

I guess it was a defense mechanism of sorts. Sick as it was.

BUT.

I refuse.

I refuse to think that way any longer. I'm stronger than that now....I think.

In honor of our mentor (we love you Jenny), in honor of Uncle Norman, in honor of Aunt Suzie-Suzie-Suzie, in honor of crazy Scott, and in honor of Emily and Amy's precious father ....

I am just going to say it.

(deep breath....)

okay...here it is:

"I am as happy as I have EVER been in my entire life".

There. I said it.

Evil - If that's a taunt to you...please ignore me...or bring it on. whatever.

Yep. HAPPY as I have EVER been in my entire life.

I said this at the dinner table tonight and my little wise 8 yr old said, "But Mom, I thought your wedding day was the happiest day of your life."

I replied, "Baby, that was my happiest DAY...but I'm telling you that I am happier each and every moment of each and every day now b/c our family is finally all here!! At this table together!"

He kinda got it!! And he kinda rolled his eyes at me b/c he thinks I'm his silly Mom...

But truly...

Having my little family...ALL under our roof....It's TRULY the most amazing thing I've ever experienced so far in my 33 years (I know..I know..I'm still a young one...but give me at least a bit of credit people!!! hehe)

I've got tears pouring down my face just writing this.

WHAT AN HONOR.

WHAT AN HONOR TO BE ALLOWED THIS HAPPINESS.

EVEN if it is for a short time.....WHAT AN HONOR.

I've never experienced this amount of satisfaction, joy, and love as I am having right now in every second of my life with my 'new' family.

It's not just because Aven is a girl either!!!

It's because she's our reward...She's our reward...I just know it. For persevering through Tye's oh-so-difficult adoption and adjustment......For all the things we've sacrificed to bring these kids home (Is it okay that I say that? I'm so NOT bragging...but it's a fact. Is that okay?)

Happiness is our reward and I'm astounded by it's intensity.

I've had the HONOR of telling my husband that "I've never been happier Jim" and seeing that beautiful smile come across his face. And I'm sad to admit that I've never expressed anything remotely that brazen in regards to 'happiness' to him before...I was scared...scared of admitting I was happy....scared it be taken away from me if I verbalized it.

Now, it's not about MY happiness....it's about something alot bigger than me.

I think it's about obedience maybe?

And the end result of it....being JOY.

NOT that Jim and I are 100% obedient to what God wants of us ... not at all.

But will we try EVEN HARDER now to accomplish that 100%?

You know we will.

We've received, in the last few days, just a TASTE of the intense peace and happiness that God has waiting for us.

Last night, at 1:30am, we were BOTH in Avi's nursery oohing and gooing over her as she had her last bottle of the day. She's our FIFTH child...I thought we'd just throw a warm bottle into her bed and go back to sleep!!! hehe

But it is SO different now....

Of course we enjoyed the other boys immensely...

But...this last baby of ours...I don't know...We are SO happy to be allowed to experience ONE more baby...but at the same time to KNOW we are NOT having any more babies makes this last one oh-so-much more special.

Wow.

How could I ask for more? And may I NEVER forget this feeling...ever.

Andrea
that was a transparent post. hitting ''publish" before I change my mind....

guess what I'm snacking on...yep...carrots and "Hidden Valley Ranch" dressing. I'm so messed up in the head over this ranch dressing!!!!! I'm not normal.

AND...it's 3am on Monday morning. We are starting back to school (homeschool) tomorrow at 9:30am. In 6.5 hours. WHY am I awake??? I'm not normal.

Need some spiritual input/thoughts....

Okay....

IF EVIL is the cause of all sickness, disease, hatred, etc (which I believe it is)

but

we are supposed to pray "Lord, let your will be done not my own"...

How do these two things reckon out?

OF COURSE God's WILL is for happiness and no sadness...right?

HE didn't bring evil here...Mankind did.

SO.....Wouldn't it ALWAYS be God's will for complete healing of diseases? Or full happiness all the time?

The logical conclusion to this thought is that EVIL does have POWER.

Power to keep God's desired healings at bay and enough power to override God's desire for peace?

Show me where I'm wrong here.

I hope I AM wrong....because I've just pained a pretty bleak picture if this is the case.

Andrea

GROSS! What is WRONG with me??? (giggle)

Okay.

Oddly enough..apparently I missed "Hidden Valley Ranch" dressing ALOT while we were in Guatemala.

I had a taste of it on a small salad on the flight home....

I told my Mom that once I tasted it I wanted to DRINK it!!!

IT TASTED SO GOOD!!

But..now...GROSS.

I just went to the fridge to have some carrots and olives before bed...

but I spied the bottle of ranch dressing...

So I was dipping green olives and carrots in "Hidden Valley Ranch" dressing...fairly normal.

But now I'm out of olives and carrots..and I'm dipping my finger in the dressing??

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? hehe

I LOVE AMERICAN FOOD apparently!!

Andrea
no, I am no pregnant. I just REALLY (?) missed ranch dressing??? Why am I so weird?

In honor of those suffering, my I extent a moment of joy tonight....we ALL need it..

Well...

I CANNOT believe this happened already.

It's shocking, sad, heartbreaking...just...UGH.

It took Jim and I by surprise...in fact he wasn't at the actual event...he had to be phoned and informed.

It was just something .... well ... we thought we had longer to prepare for

sigh.

Aven said her first word today!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh. giggle. cry. laugh. love. cough. wipe. smile.

IT IS SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Much to my hubby's chagrin, Aven's first word was:

"Shelby" which is the name of our dog...the dog that my dear hubby has a love/hate relationship ..... alot more hate than love .

Aven says "ELBY!" "ELBY!" "ELBY!" as she sits in front of our gated stairs waiting for Shelby to come up from his enforced downstairs confinement to see her!

Aven points to the stairs, even when the pup isn't there, and yells "ELBY!"

When Shelby shows up after being beckoned, Aven gets SO EXCITED and claps her hands and tentatively pats Shelby through the gate.

I PROMISE to video her talking (agh!!!) soon and post it.

So....

That was a bit our joy today...

(another joy was going to Applebee's for the first time since we've been back! and Tye saying "I want...juice" today...)

Andrea

COMPLETELY happy...and ALL the way Sad...at the same time...

I've had a couple of hours to digest our sad news...news of another close friend who's fighting cancer.

Cancer just SUCKS the joy out of families...at least it tries too.

But, in the last several hours, I've received some good advice from some sweet cyber-friends.

I asked, "How can we be SO happy and yet SO sad, at the same time?"...

A response was, "You rejoice with those who are rejoicing, You weep with those who are weeping".

I understand better now.

I will NOT let cancer steal joy away from my family again. It succeeded 13 years ago. I REFUSE to let it succeed again tonight.

Cancer is not as big as JOY....

and I believe cancer is finite compared to the love and peace that God as for those fighting cancer and for their families.

Cancer is powerless compared to God. Though it may rob us of temporary moments, it cannot steal forever moments.

I REFUSE to let cancer steal more of my life's joy....or jade the memories I have ....

Refuse.

My precious mentor, my husband's beloved uncle, my church family friend...

I KNOW you chose joy...joy for yourself, your family, my family, me...etc....

So.

Again.

We chose joy.

Joy in the battle.

Joy in the day.

Joy in the moment.

Andrea

J & B ... WE ARE PRAYING. Fervently.

Changed course mid-post.

I was just about to post something but...

I can't.

Jim just told me that he spoke with a mentor couple of ours...and received the devastating news that they are now fighting cancer.

In the last month,

We have had cancer hit our world several times.

Several horrible times.

I hate cancer.

I hate it.

I hate the pain it causes on so many levels...the pain to the afflicted, the pain to the family, all of it.

I lost my dad to cancer 13 years ago.

Jim's uncle is fighting cancer now.

A friend is fighting cancer now.

An Aunt had a recent cancer scare...

and now our mentor is fighting it.

We. hate. cancer.

HATE it.

I hate the evil in this world that encourages cells to mutate and form diseased cells.

I hate that cancer took my dad from me...

I hate that it robs family of loved ones way to early.

I hate the way it progresses in a body....

I was going to post that I've NEVER been happier before in my life....

but...

this news just changed that.

I can't believe it.

I hate cancer.

Doesn't it just feel like only a matter of time until those close to you or you yourself are diagnosised with cancer? It so SO prevalent...everywhere now.

I hate cancer.

Andrea

I got a blog award!!

I got the "You make my Day Award" from my Sonlight Friend Joyce!!!!

I sweet thanks Joyce.....

This made "my" day!! hehe

Andrea
still unpacking...I think my duffel bags are having baby bags when I turn my back.

Tye's test results....Maybe talking's over-rated anyways?

Today we received a diagnosis for Tye.

Finally.

We FINALLY have a 'label' to put to what Tye struggles with.

We feel relief that we have doctors listening to us now and agreeing that there are other, non-cleft lip/palate issues, at play here.

We feel sadness that Tye has a very long road ahead of him to become fully articulate and expressive.

His diagnosis is "Expressive and Receptive Language Disorders".

Essentially, to the best of my understanding right now it means that a sentence longer than a few words gets jumbled to him and he cannot understand it.

At the same time, his brain cannot process the need to speak in "full" sentences...so he speaks using mostly nouns and gesturing as a result.

The diagnosis makes alot of sense.

It kinda explains why Tye cannot follow conversations...at all.

At our dinner table, he has NO idea what's being discussed etc.

We know, now, that it's because his brain kinda shuts down after a few words are uttered

Wanna here a REALLY sad story that happened today with Tye?

Gotta tissue?

Okay.

The Speech Therapist gave Tye a communication tool that consists of a three-ring binder full of small pictures. The pic's have velcro on the back and there's velcro on the front of the binder.

When Tye wants something now, he's supposed to pick the appropriate picture and stick it to the front of the binder.

Well, we went to McDonald's for lunch today.

Tye ALWAYS say's "ichen n iiees" when we eat fast food. (translated = chicken and fries).

So, I grabbed the picture of chicken nuggets out of the book and stuck it to the front of the book.

Then I grabbed a picture of a HAMBURGER.

I just wanted Tye to get used to chosing his favorite picture over something else.

Guess what.

Yep.

TYE WAS ADAMANT THAT HE WANTED THE HAMBURGER.

WE HAVE NOT ORDERED HIM A HAMBURGER AT McDONALD'S EVER..He always said "chicken and fries".

Sweet baby boy showed the cashier the pic of the hamburger.

He got his hamburger...and ate the WHOLE thing.

He just NEVER new what a hamburger was called...But he DID know what nuggets were so THAT'S what he would say.

Jim and I ... wow ... it was a sad and tough parenting moment.

Ugh.

I just want this precious, God-created child to be happy .... to be be able to have friends .... to pursue his passion, to enjoy a family ....

So. Here we are.

Researching "Expressive & Receptive Language Disorders".

Andrea
happy to be in a country where Tye's needs are addressed ....

The ORDINARY is EXTRAORDINARY!!..and Tye goes has major testing tomorrow...

Jim and I SO missed cooking our "Rachel Ray" recipes....I, especially, am NOT a great cook but there's something about cooking a Rachel Ray recipe together that is SO fun....It always turns out great ..... somehow!! (thanks to Jim!) This is the recipe we cooked tonight...along with leftover mashed potatoes and apple pie (thanks Nonnie!)

Jim...taste-testing dinner tonight!!

Our FIRST dinner HOME as a 'little' family!!! I was almost in tears looking at all of these amazing people sitting at our table....And in disbelief that AVEN is HERE!! Finally...WITH us at home....at our dinner table...together~

Jim...Seemingly saying "I did it"......"I got my baby girl home...."....

Why do our dinners ALWAYS end in complete chaos????? hehe

Yep...things are back to NORMAL~ Tye walking around 'nakid' = normal.

Mommy and daughter GORGED on "Oreos" this afternoon!!!!! GIRLS ROCK!!!!!!!!!!

****************************************************************************8
I'm a girl who -sometimes- has gotten disapointed and downtrodden when my life felt to 'ordinary'.

Anyone else that way?

Not that I longed or bigger or better things (what IS bigger and better than a great family anyways?? huh?)

But that the doldrums of 'normal' life drug me down somtimes..

However...methinks THAT won't happen for quite awhile!!! Here's my new normal and...wow....PRAISE GOD!!!!


Guess how many days it took us to 'get' to carpool a child to a sporting event?

Well...today's Tuesday and most of us got home Friday night...so after being gone for 103 days it took us FOUR days to get back into part of our sports-oriented kid routine!!

Zane, age 5, attended his FIRST Upward Bound Basketball practice tonight!!

He's watched his two big brothers play Upward Bound basketball for years...but..TONIGHT was finally HIS chance to be on a team and out on the court!!

Wow.

I LOVE normal.

LOVE it.

Andrea
NO! I'm NOT done upacking yet.....ugh. Why did you ask anyways??? hehe

WE WENT ON A DATE!!! & ... a sleeping angel...

I was RIDICULOUSLY happy to goto Target tonight...And Jim enjoyed mocking me with his little cart dance....Sheesh..boys just DO NOT get it!!!

We also went to the mall...AND then we had KRISPY KREME DONUTS!!!!!! Can't find those in Guatemala!!!


When I came home I checked on our sleeping angel....Mamaw had done a good job in getting her to sleep! This is Aven's second night in 'her' bed...though ALL FIVE of our kids have used this crib. Avi really seems to be comfortable here...Praise God....

Sleep little angel...sleep.....

Wonder if she dreams in Spanish or English now???

Um. Yeah. Anyone wanna come help me UNPACK 12 army duffel bags??? (cry)
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YEP!!

The first time in 107 days....My hubby took me on a date! That man should just be ASHAMED of himself for waiting this long...(giggle)

We had a luxuriously slow dinner and then ... well...in typical Midwestern ways..went to the Mall and to Target!!!

You take a girl across the world and back, show her amazing artifacts, demonstrate the truly important things in life...

but what does she (uh - hem...she is me) really wanna do?

Just go to Target and roam the little baby section and shop for cute baby girl boots for her new precious daughter!

And buy groceries and her own leisure without having a tuk-tuk driver waiting on her or without having to decipher the other-language labels....aaahhhh...SWEET RELIEF!

I'm surprised at..how...well..'at home' I feel already.

Did the last three months really happen???

Jim and I were commenting on how DIFFERENT we feel in some areas but how completely normal and the same we feel in others.

For instance, we are different in how we are approaching church. Church MUST meet the needs of the community...the poor, the disheartened, the destitute...it MUST be the hands and feet of Jesus....We were shown in Antigua just how much a Christian group needs to walk the talk to meet true needs. How Christians need to get 'dirty' along with the downtrodden and become a friend..and not only a praying friend.

We are different in that we have our priorites VERY clear now.

For instance, Jim got to play basketball today (yay!!!!! In case you were wondering, this 38 yr old handsome hunk can STILL take on the young-twenty somethings with NO problem...His bball game rocks!).

Normally after a few games he'd get into his car, he said, and think "Wow! Cool...I want to play Tuesday and Thursday too...I need to rearrange some things to make that happen"

However, TODAY he got in the car and thought "That was GREAT! But even cooler is being home, healthy, and having Aven now....I 'hope' I get to play basketball Thursday..."

NOT that he won't TRY to play Thursday but some of the things in our lives that defined us before...aren't as sharp anymore.

And some things that didn't define us before do now.

(sheesh...this is getting complicated!)

Some things that are the same though is our enjoyment of our children.

Now -HONESTLY PEOPLE!- that could have waned and not returned over the last three months!!!

Our FIVE children were NEVER far from the front of our faces for THREE months!!

We are SO grateful that we all still like each other...and, in fact, we are all kinda going through withdrawals of each other b/c we're not all in the SAME room together ALL day long anymore!!!

Trey, 8 yrs old, was downstairs for quite awhile today...And I found myself missing him!!!

Going out on a 4 hour date was ALL that I had in me in regards to being away from the kids yet...

How CRAZY is that????? weird.

This Mommy-hood stuff warps a girl's brain I tell ya!!!

Well -

Enjoy your family tonight people....I promise to too...

Kudos,
Andrea
got the laundry room organized...but MOST importantly..I played with my kids today.

I STAY HOME WITH MY KIDS...NOT MY HOUSE.

There's a BABY in my house?!!!!!

It CRAZY to see Aven crawling around our house!!!

It so unsual to hear baby babble echoing through the hallway....

and to actually have a BABY using the pink nursery that's been empty for so long!!!!

Wow.

I'm SO happy I'm not even overwhelmed with the PILES and PILES and PILES of unpacking I need to do....

I'm even looking forward to unpacking!!!!!! It means it's all OVER!!

I CANNOT wait to do a load of laundry today...it means "normal" is BACK!!! Praise God!!!

Normal has NEVER been this appealing to me!!!

The boys are LOVING being home..though Chase has brought a fair share of Guatemalan funk home with him....

Aven has acclimated to her new home quickly and is quite enamored with our puppy, Shelby.

Everyone's sleeping SO well now....

I could go ON with happy things if you want!! hehe

Jim and I have always contemplated moving to a coastal town with beautiful weather..etc

This little adventure may have cured us of that!!

One realized SO quickly how important RELATIONSHIPS are in one's life when you are isolated from them....

Living on the ocean would be amazing...

but having neighbors leave presents on our porch welcoming us home, having family insist on having the boys come over for the afternoon so that Jim and I can have a nap after church, having girlfriends plan a 'night out' for me, having Jim's basketball friends welcoming him back with high-fives and three pointers, having neighbors honk with happiness as they drive by and see us home....

THESE things blow the ocean..well..."out of the water!"....

Andrea
Avi went to church for the first time yesterday!!! She was ALL dolled up and gorgeous and loved the music!!! hehe

We are ALL home now..and an my lil'l expository on GUILT.

Papaw...meeting his first Granddaughter for the firt time....It took about 2.6 seconds for this grown man to become mush.


My Mom holding her first Granddaughter for the first time...."HEAVEN" ......

Avi enjoying our postponed family Christmas with Grandparents, Great Grand Mommas, Aunts and Uncles....and 6 VEY Happily Reunited Nephews...hehe

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Can I have a BIG OLE COLLECTIVE PHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P-H-E-W. (thank you..hehe)

Okay....NOW I am ready to expel all of my feelings, thoughts, and ...well..everything.

So maybe this will be a post OVER the course of two days? ha

I REALLY need to just write about how we felt about getting Aven and our boys HOME.

I CANNOT and WILL NOT ruin this post by concentrating on our flights delimmas but I do need to get some of my frustration OUT into black and white so I can just get on with it all!

Needless to say, Delta sucked the life from us on January 4th and caused a long awaited family moment to be ruined.

My husband handled it with such composure and with a wonderful Christian witness...I TRIED too and think I succeeded but I was simply learning by watching Jim.

(although...I DID think he MIGHT lose his temper once after 6 of our HUGE army duffel bags fell of the little push cart THREE times...this was about 20 mins after we realized, for sure, we weren't all getting home together...but did he? Nope. He simply started throwing these huge duffel bags in the direction we needed to go and ended up solving the problem..though I think this is the point that I went into shock and barely uttered a word and could only nod yes/no's from then on out..)

We had three crying kids sitting in the baggage claim area of the Atlanta airport because we 'weren't gonna get home today'. Chase was to mad to be sad. (I cried but turned my back so they wouldn't see me....the tears helped.)

AND...evenAFTER my sweet husband managed to get myself and 4 of our kids HOME on a standby flight, he and Chase had to wait in Delta lines of drudgery .... it took THREE hours for them to get through Delta's processing, etc. AND 30 of these minutes were OUTSIDE on the COLDEST night Atlanta's had in 10 years...they were in TEE-SHIRTS. (dang this whole thing ticks me OFF! Picturing my beloved and my precious son shivering...UGH.)

However, I was praying, when the delays started, that God would send angels before us to get us home.

God DID send us angels because He got the four littlest kiddos home as planned (though we were hours late) The littles would NOT have been able to wait in lines for 3 additional hours....

And I will NEVER forget the precious conversation that occurred between a crying Zane (age 5) and a consoling Trey (age 8) as our plane was taking off from Atlanta and leaving Daddy and Chase behind...Which ALL happened in the course of 4 minutes after being quickly hailed to a Delta gate and the gate agent saying "I NEED FOUR OF YOU AND A BABY NOW OR YOU DON'T GO. " Jim pushed me and the littler ones through the gate...we didn't even really say good-bye.

Zane was really upset about leaving Daddy and Chase behind...I overhead Trey consoling his little brother like this:

"Zane, we need to be okay with this...Daddy wants us home in our beds tonight and we need to go with Aven to make sure she gets home okay. And Zane, we need to decide to be good boys right now and try not to complain. It'll only be one day, bud, before Daddy and Zane are home.

"Zane, do you want to go to Toys'R Us when you get home? I have money saved. I can get you a toy when we get home because I know that makes you happy ...."

Wow. It was one of the those proud Momma moments that helped me grit through the lonely plane ride home without Jim....and got me through introducing our daughter to our family without my husband...

Okay...ANYHOO!

AVEN IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I carried my precious sleeping angel into her HOME last night...I showed my precious sleeping angel around her new house (at 1:00am in the morning and with two doting grandmas and an excited aunt following closely behind me!!! cute!)....

I can't quite explain what it feels like to have AVEN in my HOME.

It feels natural.

It feels miraculous.

It feels refreshing.

It feels delirious.

It feels amazing.

It feels delusional.

It feels relieving.

It feels dramatic.

It feels huge.

It feels like forever.

It feels .....

PERFECTION.

We are blessed to have a daugther within our little haven now....She has immediately added a sense of sensitivity and completeness to this HOME.

She seems to "know" now...She's HOME. (it took a good nights sleep and some tickling and coaxing from said doting grandmothers and excited aunt but....) SHE KNOWS.

How could this be happening?

How are we home, complete, and safe now?

I woke up practically delusional with joy...

then I felt GUILTY for NOT feeling GUILTY.

Shouldn't I feel GUILTY?? Shouldn't I?

Here I'm sleeping on my Tempur-Pedic mattress in my cotton PJ's, with a kitchen full of food, with enough clothes fo a small orphanage within these walls.....

and Clara (our precious, Guatemalan cook.maid) is probably already hard at work cleaning or cooking for someone else's family now.

Those children we fell in love with are still awaiting forever families at the Nuevo American Orphanage in Guatemala City.

Those two brothers are still wondering the streets of Antigua shining shoes all day long and begging for a glass of milk at restaurants...

WHY do I not feel guilty?

I think it's because GUILT FREEZES YOU.

I don't remember Christ acting in guilt.....ever.

He acted in obdience and in purpose and for that He received blessings abundantly.

GUILT is something that isn't found in a happy and healthy home...at least not on an ongoing, recurring, can't function type of level. KWIM?

I have freedom from GUILT because of obdience and grace.

Not that I don't EXCEEDINGLY care for Clara....etc.

BUT I need and will and have acted OUT OF MY CARING NOT OUT OF MY GUILT because my motives need to be pure and forthright.

GUILT is not pure...and it's NOT necessary.

GOD is happy that AVEN is sleeping in a warm and fully stocked home tonight...

While at the SAME TIME GOD IS EXCEEDINGLY AND ABUNDANTLY CONCERNED AND INVOLVED IN HELPING those that are NOT sleeping in a warm bed and waking up to a warm breakfast....

I REFUSE to let GUILT motivate me. ...

but....

I DO OPENLY ACCEPT the calling and the need to be obedient to that calling.....and hopefully God's calling on my life helps my life to impact others in regards to their warm beds and stocked kitchens.

Andrea
Can I just say it again:::

WE ARE ALL HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PICS tomorrow?? I'm SO exhausted and do you EVEN think I know where the cord to upload photos is?? haha...I have TWELVE army duffel bags waiting to be unpacked....TWELVE . That itty bitty cord is SOMEWHERE in there!

I will tell you that Aven has been ALL smiles today and LIT up my camera several times over!!!